IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The continued rise in the worlds population is the greatest problem faced by the humanity at the present time What are the causes of this continuous rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by the humanity?

#rise #worlds #population #humanity #time
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Overpopulation has become the major global crisis experienced by humans, living in
this
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 era. The consequences of
this
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 issue have a detrimental impact on
resources
Use synonyms
 and land.
This
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 depletion of
resources
Use synonyms
 causes an alarming rate in the global economy and food scarcity. I completely agree with
this
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 ongoing concern which is accompanied by several factors, which I will discuss in a
further
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, the advancement in the health sector has a significant effect on the mortality rate. Old people are having a longer span of life
due to
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 medicines, surgeries and therapy available at
this
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 present time. Most diseases can be cured by medicine with the exemption of a few diseases.
This
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 leads to an increase in the global
population
Use synonyms
 which tremendously affects the global economy of the country by giving more benefits and pensions to old people.
Secondly
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,
although
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 living in the modern era, there are still some regions of the world which are low literacy rates and not aware of sex education.
This
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 lack of knowledge is ultimately the biggest reason for the growing
population
Use synonyms
. Individuals with good education are considered wise in their family planning
whereas
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 the folks with low education knowledge don't use any precautions which causes a rise in their family members. They even face poverty and food scarcity as they sometimes don't have enough savings or income to feed a large family.
This
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 resulted in a massive rise in
population
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 which even
leads
Wrong verb form
led
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 to an increase in unemployment and
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 demand for
resources
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as food supplies, water needs, electricity, land, buildings new houses.
Furthermore
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, the traditional thinking of people to have a boy in their family led to conceiving a number of times.
This
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 orthodox psychology of having a son "the breadmaker of their family" who will move their family forward. Uncertainly,
rising
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
population
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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, I believe that overpopulation is a huge problem in the current global scenario world. The impact of overpopulation can not be denied or unseen, the implication of
this
Linking Words
 problem has put the lives of humans in danger. Continuous degradation of
resources
Use synonyms
 and land causes environmental issues, poverty, and unemployment.
Submitted by mehakg727 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly linked and that the essay follows a logical progression. Use linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively.
task response
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that directly responds to the essay question. Ensure that the introduction clearly presents your position on the topic and outlines the main points you will discuss.
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