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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram shows the process of making five tea types.

The diagram shows the process of making five tea types.
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The diagram shows the process of making five
tea
Use synonyms
 types. All of these teas are made from the same
tea
Use synonyms
 leaves but there are some different stages in the manufacture, so different types of
tea
Use synonyms
 are produced. The first three stages of manufacture are the same for all five
tea
Use synonyms
 types. The leaves are grown,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 are
then
Linking Words
 plucked and withered in the next
stage
Use synonyms
. The final
stage
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 the same, which sees all the leaves dried in the oven. After these stages, White
tea
Use synonyms
 is produced
while
Linking Words
 Green
tea
Use synonyms
 needs to go through the steaming process
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
rolling
Correct article usage
the rolling
show examples
 process before going through the final
stage
Use synonyms
 to be created. In order to produce Oolong
Tea
Use synonyms
 and Large
Leaf
Use synonyms
 Black
Tea
Use synonyms
, the withered
tea
Use synonyms
 leaves are rolled.
However
Linking Words
, the next
stage
Use synonyms
 is different, the Oolong
Tea
Use synonyms
 is formed when the rolled
tea
Use synonyms
 leaves undergo a slight fermentation
while
Linking Words
 the Large
Leaf
Use synonyms
 Black
Leaf
Use synonyms
 is fully fermented.
Finally
Linking Words
, the Small
Leaf
Use synonyms
 Black
Tea
Use synonyms
 is neither steamed
or
Replace the word
nor
show examples
 rolled but it is crushed before being fully fermented

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tea, stage, leaf with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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