Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agreee or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, children enjoy making their own decision. Kids enjoy the lavish lifestyle of less parental control activities.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

shall have both positive and negative effects
for
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the healthy growth of
child's
Correct article usage
the child's

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
future.
Freedom
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is a greater pleasure the human being could ever wish
.
Change preposition
for.

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
Having
freedom
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

towards passion,talents and other leisure activities could benefit the future of
child
Correct article usage
a child

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it could hamper
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
many other ways.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Elon
musk
Correct your spelling
Musk

The word musk doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
who was
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
son of
wealthy
Correct article usage
a wealthy

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
family
enjoyed
Correct pronoun usage
who enjoyed

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
financial aid from
family
Correct pronoun usage
his family

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
fortune grew up to be the richest person on earth from a recent survey. Both family members are equally responsible for
behaviour
Correct article usage
the behaviour

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
control of the young ones.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,many athletes, artists and professionals grew up enjoying the acceptance of their families toward their passion. It
activate
Change the verb form
activates

It appears that the subject pronoun It and the verb activate are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

show examples
the child's ability to develop new skills and attribute
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,lead to
stable
Add an article
a stable

The noun phrase stable development seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
development in the future. But in some cases, parents argue giving too much flexibility in
decisional-taking
Correct article usage
the decisional-taking

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
mechanism is hampering the nature of children. Young ones who enjoy
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

ability trends to develop bad habits.As we can understand that drug users are the ones who misused the trust put upon them in a destructive manner.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

information is backed by surveys conducted in many drug treatment
centers
Change the spelling
centres

The spelling of centers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
. More cases like criminal activities are born
by
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
adequate
freedom
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

topic has been a topic of discussion
in
Change preposition
among

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
parents. Many argue
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many support the idea of
freedom
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. As studies were conducted on children, It conclude that it all depends on the relationship of trust built and support placed upon them. I could neither agree with the statement nor deny given many factors take place knowingly or unknowingly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: