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Band 4

Some young people believe it’s best to move out of their hometowns when they become adults, while others wish to live in their hometowns their whole lives. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #it’s #move #hometowns #adults #lives
It is unquestionable that some young people when become adults believe it is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
best to move out of their hometowns,
however
, there are others
wish
Correct pronoun usage
who wish
show examples
 to live in their hometowns their whole lives. I firmly believe that
move
Replace the word
moving
show examples
 out is related
with
Change preposition
to
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 new and big opportunities in huge companies,
while
 others, think more
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
life
 quality or stay
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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close to the family. First and foremost, youngster
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 always comparing their lives to all perfection, looking for growth, success and independence. Unfortunately, most of the time the leading companies are far away from home.
Moreover
, they think about earning better wages too.
Consequently
, the preference to move out is considerable and the best way to be someone whit better conditions.
Secondly
, teens may find themselves being close
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 family or thinking about quality of
life
. If
hometown
Correct article usage
the hometown
show examples
 can give any proposal wish is better related with that, for sure
this
 type of thought will be acceptable.
Besides
, they think that do not need
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 much to be happy or have a good
life
. They do not have
ambition
Correct article usage
the ambition
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 grow up fast or receive huge
paycheck
Fix the agreement mistake
paychecks
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, they just want to live.
I
Correct your spelling
In
show examples
 conclusion, I
strong
Replace the word
strongly
show examples
 believe that ambition,
think
Wrong verb form
thinking
show examples
 about
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
,
want
Wrong verb form
wanting
show examples
 to be someone and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 are the wish
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of our teenagers.
However
, some of them think about family, quality of
life
, root is strong around their
life
 and do not concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 ambition.
The both
Correct article usage
Both
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sides are acceptable,
understood
Correct word choice
and understood
show examples
 and the major importance is
be
Change the verb form
to be
being
show examples
 fortunate in our choices.
Submitted by tatianakerches on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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