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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
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These days, one of the highly controversial issues relates to whether to think that the main impact of environmental issues is the extinction of some creatures or to believe that there are many remaining problems.
However
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, in
this
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 essay, I will examine both points of view and give my own opinion on the latter.
To begin
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 with, some
people
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 think that extinction is the only and the most endangered consequence
that is
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 caused by environmental phenomena. First of all, they tend to think that because it is the easiest consequence that
people
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 can see.
For example
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, on TV, there are many shows which talk about the disappearance of some species;
hence
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, residents are made to believe
this
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 is the only problem.
Moreover
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, another reason is that
people
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 do not have enough knowledge to understand the remaining
impacts
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;
therefore
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, everyone thinks that extinction is the main problem.
On the other hand
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, it is possible to have an opposing case, they have their own reason. There are some
people
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 who argue that there are many
impacts
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 caused by environmental problems. They often believe that because of technological development.
For instance
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, by using smart devices, they can read news easily through some social media applications;
thus
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, they can understand more about the
impacts
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 caused by environmental phenomena.
Furthermore
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, these days, because of an improvement in education,
people
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 are more knowledgeable when compared to the past.
Consequently
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, they are able to understand many
impacts
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 caused by
this
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 phenomenon. In conclusion, all things mentioned, both views have their own reasons.
Nevertheless
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, from my standpoint, I believe that the latter outweighed the former.

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Task Response
The essay lacks a clear opinion and has weak development of ideas. The arguments are not effectively supported and the viewpoint is not clearly expressed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there is room for improvement in the introduction and conclusion. The ideas are somewhat connected, but the coherence and cohesion could be enhanced through better transition and organization of ideas.
Lexical Resource
The essay features some relevant vocabulary but lacks variety and depth in lexical resource. Consider expanding the range of vocabulary and using more precise and sophisticated language to express ideas.
Grammatical Range
The essay contains several grammatical errors, especially in sentence structure and subject-verb agreement. The use of complex sentences can also be improved to demonstrate better command of grammar.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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