IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefits are in the world business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people argue that the environment is protected by international
cooperation
Use synonyms
, and believe that world business is preserved.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both views and explain why I lean towards the latter. On the one hand, there are two reasons why international
cooperation
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in environmental protection. The first is one binding environmental
commitments
Fix the agreement mistake
commitment
show examples
. Nowadays, many nationals exploit the environment in excess of the permission to make images
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the atmosphere causing environmental pollution.
For example
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, the oil spill in
Ixtoc
Correct article usage
the Ixtoc
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 oil well in 1979 in Mexico the number of oil spills
up
Change preposition
apply
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to 140
millions
Change to singular
million
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 Gallons causing marine environmental pollution. Another reason, the international community can provide significant funding to environmental programs. These funds enable the creation, implementation, and ongoing support of significant climate change projects,
such
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 as, the World Bank
commits
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
 millions of dollars each year to global efforts focused on tracking climate changes, conserving wildlife, and stopping deforestation.
On the other hand
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, I side with those who think that the primary value
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 national
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is international commerce.
First,
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the foremost explanation is the facilitated flow of commodities. The most obvious is that when Vietnam exports rice and cloth to countries like China, it will be partially reduced.
Additionally
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, trade organizations help solve international disputes, allowing companies to expand and develop the economy. Another thing is that it leads to technological advancements that drive economic progress.
Therefore
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,
developing
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
 nations, international business partnerships are crucial for growth and reducing poverty. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some people say that the majority of the advantages of the environment
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 protected by international
cooperation
Use synonyms
, I am of the opinion that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
the important
show examples
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of national
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is
preserved
Verb problem
to preserve
show examples
 commerce.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it well.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples to support your points.
task achievement
Check your introduction to make sure it clearly states your opinion.
task achievement
You have introduced two views and given your opinion, which is good.
task achievement
You have included some examples, which help support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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