IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Over consuming sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that governments should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility forsugar intake. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sugar #people #governments #responsibility #control #individuals #forsugar #intake
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People believe that
sugar
 is bad for our health and we should eat it less.But who should control the percentage of
sugar
 in our meals government or everyone individual? In
this
 essay, I will look at both takes and analyze which one is better for us. On the one hand, if the government takes care of
sugar
 in all of its products, we will have food with less
sugar
. But how and where we will buy sweet biscuits or marmalade because most of the part is sucrose?
Also
, it will help people who are addicted to
this
 white drug. Another way in which the government can control
sugar
, it's opening free centres, where you can find lessons for healthy eating and where you can find life hacks on how to avoid eating sucrose. In Ukrainian school, I had a lesson which was called Basics of Health and our teacher taught us how to eat healthy food, how to be fit and other interesting information about diet.
On the other hand
, if everyone takes care of
sugar
 in their life personally. It will be better in my view. Because most people like I hadn't any problems with it and sometimes I would like to eat some sweets.
Also
, diet it's not about cancelling something, it's about self-control.After all of
this
, you can easily eat whatever you want. My granddad had diabetes, and because of it he couldn't eat
sugar
, but he ate a fake one. I think that
this
 type of
sugar
 is even worse. He had a lot of problems with his stomach. In conclusion, I prefer that individuals should take responsibility for sucrose in their lives. It's something which will be all right for everyone.
Submitted by oleksandrrazancev64 on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure your argument is more balanced with equal consideration of both the government's and individuals' roles, providing a more detailed examination of both sides.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence, consider using more transition words to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion of both views and indicates the writer's intention to analyze the topic.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the writer’s opinion, such as the example of lessons in Ukrainian schools.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar intake
  • overconsumption
  • government intervention
  • taxation
  • educational campaigns
  • health risks
  • food labeling
  • consumer awareness
  • self-regulation
  • personal responsibility
  • dietary choices
  • public health policy
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