IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

#parents #children #consequences #style
It is true that there are many parents who naturally succumb to their
children
’s
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
 as soon as they ask for them.
This
 essay will first discuss whether it is an effective method to bring up
children
 and it will
then
 give the possible consequences when those
children
 are getting older.
To begin
 with, there are an array of reasons why many people think it is not a good way to educate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
.
Firstly
, over-indulgence probably makes
children
 feel to be
self-centered
Change the spelling
self-centred
show examples
 so they would pester their parents for stuff they want or do whatever they like
as
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a regular basis. If they did not achieve their goal, they would get really angry with their mums and dads, even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 would not obey their parents later.
Secondly
,
children
 might be getting into a bad habit of jealousy. Indeed, they would be under peer pressure at school to have the best of everything and not have a sense of satisfaction if their classmates have something better than they do. For
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 reasons, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instant gratification could have adverse consequences in the future as
children
 grow up. Many adults may find it difficult to search for good friends or colleagues just because of their characteristics, and some of them cannot keep their long-lasting friendships. A second problem they would possibly face is that many people do not grasp the real value of money or learn how to manage it effectively in their childhood.
Therefore
, they could be in bad financial condition in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future. In conclusion, it seems to me that raising
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 in
this
 way is more negative than positive in the present
as well as
 in the future when these
children
 grow up.
Submitted by yuelikai.echo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgent
  • entitlement
  • discipline
  • responsibility
  • nurturing
  • self-reliance
  • adversity
  • autonomy
  • validation
  • dependence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: