IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that a good way to reduce crime is to have longer sentences, while others think that there are alternatives to this problem. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #sentences #alternatives
many people argued the best approach to decline
crime
 activity rates was to extend the sentences,
while
 others believed that are better solutions to mitigate
this
 issue. In my opinion, the duration of punishment should consider what type of
crime
 and the effectiveness ,not the duration. I will examine
this
 notion in the following essay.
To begin
 with, there are disadvantages to
this
 notion from a different perspective, I disagree if the law system only focuses on duration.
Hence
, the court system should classify and categorise the
crime
 base on weightiness. To what extent, do some states impose more time in prison to punish lawbreakers,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 it is not effective so much because they repeated it again in their communities to conduct criminal activities.
Moreover
, some prisoners tend to perform crimes again inside the prison because they are frustrated and though there is no way out.
On the other hand
, there are essential programs as the best solution to mitigate these challenges.
Firstly
, rather
Change preposition
than
show examples
make it longer, we how consider developing and fostering them with some specific skills
such
 as welding so they will be able to be welders right after completing the punishment.
Therefore
, they are likely to be accepted in society and it was more effective in again the
crime
 reoccur again. To illustrate, In Indonesia criminals are like pupils so they learn many skill skills and competencies, edit photoshop
for instance
, so they can master it and be able to gain jobs when they finished the punishment. In conclusion, I am convinced by extending the sentences could not address the case
due to
 it is not effective and potential to back again to commit a
crime
.
Hence
, I firmly believe with an established system by providing training or new skills will assist them in the future and prevent them to conduct criminal activities in the future.
Submitted by darmasamuelhutajulu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: