IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Write a letter to the local authorities for requesting additional sports facilities for your age group in your area. - Mention about the current sports facilities available - What kind of additional sports facilities should be introduced - How the new sports facilities would be of help for the people in your age group

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Dear Sir or Madam, My name is Andrey. I am writing
this
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 letter to bring a request to your attention. The request is about additional sports
facilities
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 in our neighbourhood.
Firstly
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, we are between the age between 12 and 16, living in the Sunset neighbourhood with a lack of sports
facilities
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. Even though we have a small gym centre and a soccer pitch, these
facilities
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 do not meet our needs
due to
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 different interests in our town.
Secondly
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,
We
Fix capitalization
we
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 generally play basketball and baseball, which are highly popular in our hometown, but we don't have these
facilities
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. Since a significant number of colleges grant a scholarship to those who are good at basketball and baseball, these
facilities
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 help improve our abilities and increase our probability of finding a scholarship. Considering
this
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 situation, I kindly request that these required
facilities
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,
such
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 as basketball and baseball picth be built in our neighbourhood. Alternatively, you could improve the
facilities
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 we already have with extra spaces. Thank you for your consideration and time. I am looking forward to your response. Best regards, Ibrahim

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task response
Say more about how the new places can help all young people, not only students who want a college place.
task response
Use clear names for the new places: a basketball court and a baseball field.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. The first part can say only what places are there now. The next part can say only what new places are needed.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words, such as 'Also', 'For this reason', and 'As a result'.
task response
You answer all three parts: what you have now, what you need, and how it can help.
tone
The letter is polite. The greeting and ending are good.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a clear order: now, need, and request.
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