IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

some people think that government should give high salary to the celebrities but others think it should be provided to doctors and teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #salary #celebrities #doctors #teachers
While
 some people are of the notion that
celebrities
 should be paid a higher salary, others subscribe to the opposite notion. In my opinion, I agree that doctors and teachers should be allocated a higher salary.
However
, I
also
 believe that artists should
also
 be given a reasonable income.
To begin
 with, doctors and teachers play a pivotal role in shaping the future of a country. When the government invests more in the construction of hospitals, schools and universities, it helps in improving the quality of life of the people.
For instance
, building hospitals provide treatment for various diseases, thereby reducing the death toll.
Similarly
, schools and universities provide basic knowledge to the youth of the country, thereby increasing the literacy rate. On the other side,
this
 does not mean that the income of the stars is neglected. One of the reasons is,
celebrities
 are often used as an index for the country they belong to.
For instance
, India is often known for the famous actors it has been able to produce like SRK, Janvi, and Lalita among many others.
Furthermore
, many juveniles look up to
celebrities
 and aspire to be like them.
Therefore
, giving them a higher proportion of income, not only makes them more well-mannered but
also
 motivates them to be a good role model to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations. To summarise,
although
celebrities
 strive to be a model for minors, I strongly stick to the notion that workers in public services should be allocated more revenue that can help their nation to grow.
Submitted by datta.tanishaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: