A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honor, kindness and trust no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In our modern era,
people
’s
values
have significantly changed.
While
some
people
still follow traditional
values
, I strongly believe
people
’s judgments are based on each other’s money and wealth for two reasons. First of all, many of our
values
are determined by the society that we are living in. These days in almost all countries around the
world
, those who have high social status or big accounts in the banks usually receive more respect and service from others. In fact,
this
manner is getting done very legally.
For example
, there is a huge difference between passengers of a plane who have business class tickets
or
Correct word choice
and
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economic ones. The first one would enjoy a very comfortable seat all over his or her long trip
,
Remove the comma
apply
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while
being offered many expensive drinks and meals.
In contrast
, those in economy parts should tolerate low back pain and neck pain
due to
squeezed spaces.
Therefore
, unconsciously,
people
learn that
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
worth is mostly dependent on wealth, and they could internalize
this
value and judge others by that. Another reason is
psychological
Correct article usage
the psychological
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effects of social media. Everybody
almost
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apply
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has an Instagram or a Facebook account and spends lots of time surfing the Internet. Most
people
, especially young ones, believe what they see and hear on these platforms. In
this
world
, having more followers brings credit to individuals, and if they post something, thousands will like the post that might not have any valuable meaning.
For example
, almost any post from Kim Kardashian gets the attention of millions of her followers, which implies the influence of
this
person in the virtual
world
.
However
,
this
phenomenon could insidiously affect the young generations in the real
world
and change their basic criteria for judging
people
, giving more value to the rich and famous ones. The algorithm
that
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apply
show examples
could gradually change the core
values
of a society. In conclusion, not only does society but
also
social media
plays
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play
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essential roles in changing
people
’s
values
. I strongly believe a person’s worth in our
world
is determined by material
possession
Fix the agreement mistake
possessions
show examples
and high social status.
Submitted by Rosa on

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task response
Provide a more balanced view by acknowledging opposing perspectives and offering counterarguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly linked to the preceding one and that ideas are logically presented throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Utilize a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and grammar to eliminate errors and improve overall coherence.

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