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Band 5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professionals lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #professionals #lives
It is important to take risks in human's personal and professional lives. Taking risks gives people to opportunity to grow faster
whereas
risk
 ignorers make their
life
 monotonous. In my opinion,
risk
 lovers or takers
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 benefits from both personal and professional lives more than
risk
 avoiders. More or less we all know that high
risk
 gives us
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high benefits. If anyone wants to shine in
personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
show examples
 or professional
life
 have to take
Add an article
the risk
a risk
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
.
Risk
 takers have the opportunity to
learning
Change the verb
learn
show examples
 new things in their
life
. Which they can use
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many times.
In addition
, people can set their image as a
pinoneer
Correct your spelling
pioneer
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Namely, one of my
colleague
Change to a plural noun
colleagues
show examples
 always
love
Change the verb form
loves
show examples
 to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risks in her
life
. She always
try
Change the verb form
tries
show examples
 new things in her
life
.
Continution
Correct your spelling
Continuation
 of her
this
 attitude she submitted a big tender with other large competitors for a multinational company. Surprisingly, she won the tender which leads to
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
company
Change noun form
company's
show examples
 12 lacs taka benefits per year. She set
her self
Correct your spelling
herself
show examples
 as a leader of the company. After receiving so many
suceesses
Correct your spelling
successes
 in her professional
life
 she started her own
consultation
Replace the word
consulting
show examples
 firm. She is now
an
Change the article
a
show examples
suceessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 entrepreneur.
On the other hand
, people who do not take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 or avoid
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
became
bore
Wrong verb form
bored
show examples
 with their lives. They always do the same thing they used to do. After a certain period of
time
Add a comma
,time
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 they feel frustrated about their selves. Even though sometimes they
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
commit
 suicide.
For instance
, my
cousin
Change noun form
cousin's
show examples
 brother do not want to try
"International
Correct article usage
the "International
show examples
 English Learning Test System"
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
even though he do not have any interest about to go abroad as he was happy with his current
life
. After a
while
, his wife and children were feeling
bore
Wrong verb form
bored
show examples
 with the same lifestyle. So, they left him. After that, he was so frustrated that he stops talking with everyone in our family.
Whereas
 if he could try or take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 he could have been
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
new place
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full of opportunities. From the above discussion, I feel that
risk
 lovers have the chance to live in their dreams and they can learn new
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 easily.
Although
, as
risk
 avoiders
happy
Add a missing verb
are happy
show examples
 with their
life
 for
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 time;
therefore
, they make their
life
 boring and make
their self
Correct pronoun usage
themself
themselves
show examples
 vulnerable
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a long time.
Submitted by kaynath87 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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