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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers. Others think that it is dependent on the attitude of the students. Discuss both of the views and give your opinion.

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A group of individuals present the view that the attitude of the student is what determines
success
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,
whereas
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 others believe academic
success
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 is dependent upon good teachers. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some
people
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 justifiably argue that talent and effort are more important for obtaining higher qualifications and getting better job opportunities. Research findings confirm that teachers do not have much influence on the progress of the children who benefit from high intelligence and talent.
This
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 is
also
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 worth mentioning that, there were many famous
people
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 who did not have an academic education but were able to invent useful things.
For example
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, the great scientist and inventor Thomas Edison studied at home and registered his first invention at the age of 13.
On the other hand
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, another group of
people
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 claim that a good teacher is needed to achieve greater
success
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. They insist that having a good teacher broadens students' horizons and opens the door to better job opportunities. Another thing I can highlight is that pupils can learn moral values
such
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 as tolerance and sharing in school. From an educational viewpoint, being in an academic place can help to have good social relationships.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing as with the development of the Internet, we can learn anything.
To conclude
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, in my view, the
success
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 of
people
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 depends on themselves. talent and effort are more important for obtaining higher qualifications and getting better job opportunities.
Moreover
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, with the development of the Internet, we can learn anything.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to balance the discussion of both viewpoints before presenting your opinion. This helps in providing a well-rounded argument.
Task Achievement
Consider exploring both sides of the argument in equal depth to offer a more balanced perspective before stating your own viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas for better coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your expression and the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, which is good for cohesion.
Task Achievement
You've provided a clear thesis statement, which sets the direction for your essay.
Task Achievement
Use of specific examples, such as Thomas Edison, enriches your argument by illustrating your point clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational success
  • necessary knowledge
  • effective teaching strategies
  • emotional support
  • self-discipline
  • fosters
  • real-world scenarios
  • synergy
  • passionate
  • skilled
  • motivated
  • disciplinary
  • educational ecosystem
  • cultivates
  • foundation
  • absorb
  • apply
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