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Band 5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
Many
people
 hold the view that adolescents should go to
community
work
 in their free time without
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
this
 can help both young
people
 and the
community
. In my point of view, I totally agree with
this
 opinion.
First,
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
work
 in your free time helps
teenagers
 a lot. When participating in
community
 activities
such
 as volunteering,
helping
Correct word choice
and helping
show examples
 disadvantaged
people
, they will experience more and learn valuable
life
 skills. A teenager who joins in
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of unpaid
community
work
 will have more
life
 skills than the one who does not do anything. Because through the
work
, he can learn many new things from
people
. Not only that,
through
Correct word choice
but through
show examples
 his
work
 experience, he will
also
 have valuable materials for future employment.
On the other hand
, when young
people
 do unpaid
community
work
 our
country
's quality of
life
 will improve. If
society
 is contributed by the effort of youth, our
life
 will develop day by day. Because,when working,
teenagers
 will have more love for the
country
 and
society
 and from there they will always try to dedicate
Correct pronoun usage
themselves for
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the growing
country
.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
society
 where
teenagers
 who
are always be
Change the verb form
are always
show examples
 ready to contribute will develop more than the one where
teenagers
 are usually lazy to
work
. The USA is a very developed
country
 with the largest civilization in the world, and American
teenagers
 are always ready to participate in a lot of
community
 activities. In conclusion, it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 only good for
teenagers
 to join in unpaid
community
 activities, but
also
 bring many benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. So,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 hope
teenagers
 in our
country
 will be ready for doing
community
work
 in their free time.
Submitted by huyhungvtv on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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