IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is important to introduce tax education in secondary school. Other people think that it is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both views and give you opinion

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A bunch of people thinks that it is crucial to introduce
tax
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education
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 in secondary
school
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.
While
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also
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, it is considered others how wasting valuable
school
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 time to teach that thing. I will discuss each side in the following essay. As the introduction, everyone is free to expel their money to move freely everywhere.
Therefore
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, they need to know about the
tax
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 behind them. During adolescence, secondary schoolers sometimes desire to buy items of personal interest, even just for the sake of prestige. The more luxurious the goods,
such
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 as Apple-branded gadgets,
for example
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, the higher the
tax
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.
Likewise
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, when buying imported goods that look more stylish and prestigious. Through
this
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 fact can be concluded that
this
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 is why some people believe in the importance of
tax
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education
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 in their teenage years.
On the other hand
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, many things are more critical than only about
tax
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education
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. For some people, schools should concentrate more on general financial
education
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 to be included in their curriculum and training about desires handling from teens, even at early ages. In fact, in Indonesia, if you are in the social studies department (for high schoolers), you are taught about economics as a whole and about handling finances. In
this
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 subject, students are
also
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 taught about investments that can be made by teenagers from their age.
Although
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 what is unfortunate is that those who are majoring in natural sciences need to learn
this
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. In conclusion,
although
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tax
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 and finance
education
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 is important, schools and
also
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 government officials need to think about other things that are
also
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 essential in everyday life to be included in the curriculum, especially in secondary
school
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.
However
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, I believe that we need to learn about finances and taxes from an early age, not only in secondary
school
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.

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Task Response
Your essay addresses the topic well and presents both viewpoints clearly. Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments and make them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and follows a clear progression of ideas. Try to strengthen the introduction and conclusion by summarizing the main points more effectively.
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