IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers, while others say it is not a good gift for them. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #money #gift #teenagers
In today's contemporary world ,there are contrasting views,where
one
 section of society believes that it is preferable to give
cash
 as a present to a youngster is perfect,and the other part is of the mindset that it is not a good idea.
This
 essay will elucidate both of these viewpoints followed by my opinion in the ensuing paragraphs. To commence with,
cash
 is a great present as everyone has needs and
therefore
 they need
cash
 to fulfil them.
In other words
, people appreciate
cash
 as a present because they are independent
to choose
Change preposition
in choosing
show examples
 where to invest that money and what to do with it.
Moreover
,it gives enormous pleasure to
one
 to have the
cash
 to spend on the things
one
 thinks of.
For instance
, there was an article published by 'The
Tribune'which
Correct your spelling
Tribune ' which
 stated that a fund as a present is the best deal as children in small age learn to invest and save and certainly inculcate wealth management skills.
On the contrary
,
presents like
Wrong verb form
presenting
show examples
 something special is a crucial part of a relationship.To explain
further
, giving a present
that is
 a memorable moment and it can be preserved for years.
Additionally
 , surprises are always remembered
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 nowadays it's lovable to get effort from people around.To exemplify, getting a handmade gift or a surprise party certainly makes
one
 feel good about themselves
also
 it makes the bond stronger emotionally.
To conclude
, albeit astonishing a person with attention and surprises fades away the significance of giving wealth as a gift .I strongly
opinion
Verb problem
believe
show examples
 that giving funds is not always a good notion as nowadays individuals crave time and effort which makes them feel good and connected.
Submitted by naavyaa7 on

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task response
The essay adequately presents both viewpoints and gives a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory logical structure and uses linking words effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences.
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