IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. Some people claim that this has negative effects on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree

As international fast
food
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 can easily be found everywhere, many people think that it is replacing traditional
food
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 nowadays. I strongly agree that it gives multiple disadvantages, and
this
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 essay will explain why.
Firstly
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, the fact is, it is difficult to find a local
food
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 store in society. Sadly, it is because fast
food
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 dominates the
food
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 market.
According to
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 the newest research, find that people prefer to eat fast
food
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 because it is simple, delicious, varied, and fast-order
food
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, unlike local
food
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. As an example, in a big city, most children do not know anything about local
food
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this
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 time, and even some adults never try to eat the traditional
food
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 once. Severely,
this
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 fact makes the local
food
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 dilute its identity and slowly disappear from society. So, these reasons show how fast
food
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 can affect society’s
food
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 habits badly.
Furthermore
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, for families, fast
food
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 can
also
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 change both the usual activity and the typical supper at home.
For example
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, every morning a family usually have a toast bread together and have a little conversation about yesterday's activity, but fast
food
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 makes them leave
this
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 typical morning activity because they can easily grab their
food
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while
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 going out.
In addition
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, eating much fast
food
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 can
also
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 increase the risk of getting obesity and heart disease, because it has fewer nutrients and fibre, which is not healthy enough for the human body. In conclusion,
while
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 some people continue to argue that international
food
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 has been replaced by local
food
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, I firmly believe that replacing local
food
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 can bring negative effects
overall
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. It is
also
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 predicted that these strongly support my opinion that the drawbacks of letting international
food
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 in outweigh the advantages.

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stance
Make your view clear in the start and keep it steady through the essay.
structure
Add a clear plan with one main idea per paragraph and use short links to the next idea.
grammar
Fix grammar and use simple, short sentences.
examples
Give more easy facts or examples that readers can see in real life.
conclusion
End with a short summary that restates your point.
strength
The essay shows a clear view and has two main ideas.
strength
The ideas are easy to understand and use simple words.
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