IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the line graph shows the consumption of fats between 1971 and 1997.

the line graph shows the consumption of fats between 1971 and 1997.
The graph depicts the use of different types of fats during 26 years. At
first,
Linking Words
in 1971, people had exploited
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 100
grams
Use synonyms
 per week for each person. Meanwhile, the consumption of
butter
Use synonyms
 was higher than
margarine
Use synonyms
 in that year. Over the two years to 1981, the use of
margarine
Use synonyms
 had a slight rise to above 100
grams
Use synonyms
 but people do not attempt to eat
much
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
butter
Use synonyms
 than before. So, it decreased to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 100
grams
Use synonyms
 per
weeks
Fix the agreement mistake
week
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 1981 these two lines meet each other and
also
Linking Words
margarine
Use synonyms
cross
Wrong verb form
crossed
show examples
butter
Use synonyms
 usage in 1982 and they both had
decline
Change the verb form
declined
show examples
 to near zero consumption in 1997. In 1984 people
keen
Add a missing verb
were keen
show examples
 to reduce fat usage so the low fats appear in the graph and has fluctuation rise to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 100
grams
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, three types of fats are
mention
Wrong verb form
mentioned
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 graph.
Butter
Use synonyms
 and
margarine
Use synonyms
 have acceptable use at first but
falls
Correct subject-verb agreement
fall
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
Besides
Linking Words
, low-fat spreads had higher consumption in 1997.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words grams, butter, margarine with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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