IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries there has been an increase in social problems involving teenagers in recent years. Many people believe that this is due to modern lifestyles because parents spend more and more time at work and have less time to supervise their children. To what extent do you believe this is true?

#countries #teenagers #years #people #lifestyles #parents #time #work #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern day, more and more luxury technology and facilities were created to serve humans. To achieve that luxurious lifestyle, folks have to spend an enormous time on career growth as an effect of getting high wages for coping with high standards of life rather than parenting their offspring. In my opinion,
parents
 play a key role in the
development
 of their
children
, but the modern lifestyle has
also
 played a part in the growth of
children
.
This
 essay will discuss both views.
To begin
 with,
parents
 play an important role in the natural
development
 of their offspring
such
 as their parent involvement ,
children
 learn different right and wrong in their early years and their awareness is distorted in behaviour and personality
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in juvenile delinquency.
For instance
, in a slum in developing countries
such
 as Rio de Janeiro,
parents
 are quite busy looking for a job or have to work harder until night. They do not have time for their child and the result of less education from their
parents
 is that their
children
 will become worse in behaviour and raise the juvenile delinquency rate in these countries. Modern lifestyles with the
development
 of Internet social media,
children
 tend to grow earlier than in the past when they have other places to go
such
 as cinemas, bar clubs and more places and contact earlier contents that are unsuitable for them on the Internet. For that,
children
 can meet other kinds of people that can make them become better or worse. If they do not have parental guidance to select the people they can communicate with ,
children
 will have more harmful thinking which increases the social problem.
To conclude
, it can be seen clearly that the role of
parents
 in the
development
 of their child is essential.
Parents
 should spend more time with their
children
 to guide them into becoming good citizens.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific details and examples to support your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main points of the essay and provide a roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a more logical and clear manner to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: