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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #years #times #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibility
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It is true that in
this
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 day and age, opinion is divided over whether
youth
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 years are the most valuable
time
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 in
life
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,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that adult
life
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 ought to have more joy. In
this
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 essay, I will look at both sides of
this
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 debate
as well as
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 offer my own point of view. Turning first of all to the arguments in favour of
this
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 idea, it goes without saying that both lifetimes are irreplaceable.
By contrast
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, young times have more flexibility
due to
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 the fact that teenager has more physical strength. At the same
time
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, the
youth
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life
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 stage has more new experiences compared to the elder years.
For instance
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,
youth
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 play
such
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 as going outdoors, friends at the academy and spending their
life
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 without money will enrich individual
life
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. As far as the other side of
this
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 debate is concerned, it is generally acknowledged that adults have more allowance for spending what they want to do.
For example
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, some hobbies people started as adults
such
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 as collecting cars, collecting boats and accessories are found to be expensive. It may
also
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 be worth noting that individuals have more room from their
life
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 experience which may lead to mental stability and a rise in quality of
life
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. By way of conclusion, from the ideas and examples above it can be seen that there are valid arguments on both sides of
this
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 debate.
However
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, I am of the opinion that in the grand scheme of things, the
youth
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 years are the happiest
time
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 even though they have less
time
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, money and experience compared to a grown person.
Submitted by yusei.nakano on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the prompt and provides a clear opinion, which is great. However, ensure you provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure and clear introduction and conclusion, work on making your individual points clearer and more comprehensive. Each paragraph should explore distinct aspects of the argument more deeply.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases such as 'it is generally acknowledged' and strive for more varied language. This will make your essay more engaging and less formulaic.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, effectively framing the discussion.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is good, and your paragraphs flow well from one point to the next.
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