IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. What are the causes? How to encourage young people to study?

#people #school #attitudes #study
Some youngsters show unwilling attitudes towards studying after they leave
school
.
However
, the root causes of
this
 phenomenon are multifaceted, and there are
also
 various ways to encourage them to learn.
This
 essay will explore the reasons and propose possible solutions. In the contemporary era, youths usually want to relax after they finish courses at
school
. It is widely agreed that being a student requires plenty of energy because they always brainstorm
while
 learning. Like working, studying is not only just staring at a piece of paper at
school
 but
also
 absorbing the knowledge to the brain. In
this
 way, young people in
school
 are always exhausted after
school
.
Furthermore
, youngsters tend to take part in extracurricular activities
instead
 of studying
school
 material when they leave
school
, which can enhance their interpersonal skills by making new friends
besides
 their classes.
On the other hand
, there are numerous approaches to tackle the situation. It is undeniable that learning is energy-consuming, but it can
also
 be enjoyable. One of the most significant manners is integrating subjects with interests.
For example
, most children's future careers have a strong connection with what they learn at high
school
 and college. Some young people who are eager to become a scientist can acquire related knowledge
such
 as chemistry or physics by attending research clubs,
this
 can inspire them to continue to study even after leaving
school
. In conclusion,
although
 there are diverse reasons causing youngsters to stop learning when they leave
school
, it is evident that encouraging youths to participate in academic activities after
school
 can increase their motivation to learn.
Submitted by seanlin12345 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a recognizable structure, with an introduction and conclusion, but the transition between ideas can be improved to achieve a smoother flow. Make sure that your paragraphs are clearly defined with a clear topic sentence and that the ideas within each paragraph are logically connected.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent structure in your essay, clearly dividing it into logical paragraphs each focusing on a single main idea, using cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs effectively. This will significantly enhance the coherence and cohesion of your writing.
task achievement
The examples provided are somewhat general and lack specificity. To improve your score, include more detailed and relevant examples that directly support the main points of your argument. Doing so will demonstrate your ability to illustrate and reinforce your ideas, enhancing the task achievement of your essay.
task achievement
To fully address the task's requirements, expand on your main ideas with further analysis and explanation. It is essential to not only identify causes and solutions but also to discuss their implications and your reasoning in more depth to provide a comprehensive response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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