IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people claim that public museum and art galleries will be no longer necessary because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #museum #art #galleries #objects #works #computer
These days, the Internet provides us with pictures or videos of historical items or art masterpieces.
Therefore
, some people are of the opinion that going to the facilities that store
artefacts
 or artworks is unnecessary. I completely disagree with
this
 opinion because I believe that visiting
museums
 has significant benefits for people.
To begin
 with, it is certainly true that maintaining
museums
 has negative aspects,
such
 as financial problems.
Museums
 staff has to do maintenance on artwork or
artefacts
 since they deteriorate over time.
As a result
, it is costly to maintain an appropriate environment for artwork or pay salaries
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 employees.
Additionally
, when it comes to entering
museums
, visitors have to pay attendance fees. If we can watch artworks on the Internet, we can enjoy them at home for free. Given that issue, perhaps it makes sense that it is more efficient for people to watch
artefacts
 on the Internet. Having said that, museum presence is irreplaceable because I believe that the sensation we get when we appreciate artworks directly is invaluable. It is completely different from real and watching them through the screen on an electronic device. We can know that paintings are colourful and feel the sense of historical records by watching objects directly.
Therefore
, experiencing
museums
 is crucial things for us. In conclusion,
although
 observing
artefacts
 with electronic tools is reasonable, it is definitely unsatisfactory. Valuable things are only meaningful when they are seen live.
Submitted by songcheng619 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: