IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, there is a significant surge in the advancement of
science
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.
Although
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 Some
people
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 argue that the most scientific goal has to be considered to boost
people
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's lives, some think that
science
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 can be the power to control them. I strongly agree with the first group. In
this
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 essay, I will delve into the issue and provide evidence to support my viewpoint. Primarily, one of the key reasons why I agree with
this
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 goal is that
Science
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 can promote
people
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's lives.
In other words
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, the use of
science
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 in medical equipment and medicine contributes to
people
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's health and well-being.
For example
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, In the past, a lot of
people
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 lost their families and relatives easily because of some prevalent diseases,
such
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 as heart attack, cancer, and diabetes.
In addition
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, some treatments are being discovered by scientists to cure
people
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.
On the other hand
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, some argue that authorities and governments should gain
this
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 advancement for their negative goals.
That is
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 to say,
science
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 has to be used to control
people
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 and other
countries
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.
For instance
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, some governments invent dangerous viruses or bombs so other
countries
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 have to obey their orders. These products and inventions are used by authorities to put pressure on other
countries
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. Taking into account the arguments presented above, the following conclusion can be drawn;
while
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 some
people
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 tend that
science
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to enhance the quality of
people
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's lives
such
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 as use in the treatment of illness, some argue that it has to be used overseas in other
countries
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. I believe that using technology can help
people
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 live better than past.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer and more specific thesis statement in your introduction to enhance clarity and focus.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more effectively using linking words and phrases (e.g., 'however', 'furthermore') to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, summarize both sides of the argument briefly to reinforce your position and provide a more well-rounded ending.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples from both historical and contemporary contexts, which supports your viewpoint effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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