Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

It is widely argued that the young are negatively affected by the glamour and riches of celebrities

while

they are not like that.

While

I accept that

this

perception is somewhat justifiable, I believe that not everyone is like that. On the one hand, there are a number of negative impacts from the effect of celebrities on young people because of several driving factors.

First,

due to

technological development, the influence of stars is

also

gradually increasing thanks to social networks.

Therefore

, beware of the "online" glamour or fraudulent wealth of stars. It is a double-edged sword that makes followers affected by that toxicity.

For instance

, toxic masculinity has been mentioned a lot on social networks in recent times. Andrew Tate, a popular Instagram influencer, inculcated toxic masculinity and spread deviant ideas to his followers, especially guys, through content posted on mobile applications, showing toxic statements, and discriminating against women.

In addition

, some celebrities swapped the concept

that

Change preposition

show examples

the way to create value for money.

Instead

of working full-time jobs to earn budgets, they aim to create money quickly in some illegal ways, like participating in cryptocurrency, and unsecured investing, which is not patronized by the Vietnam government.

On the other hand

, there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced that some different aspects need to be

given to consider

Verb problem

considered

show examples

before giving

this

statement.

Firstly

, the famous should be considered a profession and the influencers are doing it. They work and create value for communities.

For instance

, hot TikTokers create highly entertaining videos that bring people smiles and entertainment after stressful working hours.

Additionally

, it makes sense for their illusion when many companies pay for

that

Correct determiner usage

those

show examples

rights.

For example

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

will pay a desirable amount for videos with high interaction. Brands, for another example, pay for influencers' posts promoting their products on mobile platforms,

such

as Facebook and Instagram. In conclusion,

while

it is irrefutable that power illusion from influencers is a factor that has negative impacts on individuals, I would contend that it is imperative that other aspects be taken into consideration before making

this

statement.

Submitted by duckiedesigner on Tue Jun 27 2023

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task response

Ensure that your essay fully addresses the given prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue. Provide more focused and relevant examples to support your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Organize your ideas more coherently and ensure that there is a logical flow throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas and create a smoother progression of thought.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

350 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In many societies, there is less social contact between the elderly and the young. What are the reasons and what measures can be taken?

In spite of technological developments in transportation, many people believe that a bicycle is the best way to reach in any destination. What are the advantages and disadvantages of using a bicycle nowadays?

Some people say that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing are more beneficial to children and therefore they need more of these subjects to be included in the timetable

the responsibility for the protection of the environment is by a transnationa organiztaion or every country.