Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some argue that we should increase the prices of
sugar
products
so that less
sugar
will be eaten. I think that
this
may cause damage to the
sugar
industry
and cause
people
to live unhappy lives,
although
people
can be healthier.
This
idea can pose a threat to the sweet-food manufacturers because there will be fewer
people
buying their goods. As we all know, the higher the price of an item is ,the less customers buy it. So if we make sugary
products
more expensive, a lot of
people
will abandon them and buy other
products
to enjoy themselves and
as a result
, the sweet food
industry
will fail to sell their
products
and be endangered.
For example
, citizens may prefer to buy more fast food like chips to have fun
instead
of
sugar
drinks or
foods
. The damage to the
sugar
industry
may
also
lead to the unemployment of workers. The higher price may
also
be responsible for an unhappy life. It is evident that sweet
foods
and beverages are the favourite goods of many civilians and eating
sugar
is a good way to enable
people
to feel happiness. So when we raise the prices of sugary
products
, fewer
people
can afford them and they lose a method to satisfy themselves.
This
will result in a worse life, especially for the poor-- they have few methods to have fun and one of the main ways is prohibited.
However
,
people
may have better bodies if they take in less sweet things. The high level of
sugar
is always a cause
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
fat and can present a challenge to
people
’s health. With the rise of sugary goods’ prices, more and more
people
will have other
foods
and drinks and
this
has a good effect on their fitness.
For instance
, they may eat more fruits to take place sweet
foods
and fruits are beneficial to them. There is slang
‘an
Change preposition
for ‘an
show examples
apple a day and doctors keep away’.
To sum up
,
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
sugary items more expensive may allow
people
to have
a better conditions
Correct the article-noun agreement
better conditions
a better condition
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
their bodies, but
this
will lead to damage to the
sugar
industry
and enable
people
to live
a
Change the article
an
show examples
unhappy life.
Submitted by 2578922328 on

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Task Response
Strive for a more balanced view by examining both sides of the argument in equal depth. This will enhance your essay's objectivity and depth of analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs. This aids in making your essay more cohesive and coherent.
Language
Consider revising your essay to correct small inaccuracies in word choice and sentence structure. This helps to improve clarity and precision.
Task Response
Good introduction and conclusion, presenting your position clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
You successfully used examples and explanations to support your main points, making your argument stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure, with a logical flow of ideas from introduction to conclusion.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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