IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8.5

Many people believe that spending a lot of money on celebrations (birthdays/weddings) is a waste of money. Others believe that it is important for the individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #celebrations #birthdays #weddings #waste #individuals #society
Some people believe that costly celebrations are beneficial for individuals and society
while
 others consider the financial loss to be more significant than its advantages. Knowing which of them is true can save some cash or at least clear the conscience of people. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both points of view and in the end, I will share my own opinion. On the one hand, holding glamorous ceremonies can be advantageous for both people and the community.
For example
, a nice wedding party or a fantastic birthday party can stick in one's mind as a delightful memory, so it is important for individuals.
Moreover
, ceremonies are undetachable parts of a society's culture so spending money on them is a way of preserving a nation's traditions.
On the other hand
,
although
 a fancy celebration party can be unforgettable, it can
also
 come with a huge price and the cost can create unpleasant thoughts about that ceremony in one's mind.
For instance
, a person who takes a loan from a bank to hold his wedding has to pay the instalments for months and it would be hard for him to enjoy that night without remembering the future repayments. So the financing of these celebrations can be quite money-consuming ,
thus
 thought-provoking.
To conclude
, an expensive ceremony can be indelible.
However
,
this
 memory can be provided with as many financial resources as it can ruin that reminiscence. In my idea, money is meant to be spent to bring joy to life
therefore
 spending money on
such
 events is acceptable unless it causes other problems at that time or in the future.
Submitted by mediii355 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: