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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people hold that we should spend money and time on the protection of wild animals while others suggest that the money should be spent on populations living in the poorest areas of the world. What is your opinion

#people #money #time #protection #animals #populations #areas #world
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Some people believe that we can protect wild creatures by spending our
money
Use synonyms
 and time;
however
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, others might say we should use both
money
Use synonyms
 and time for our human friends in the poorest part of the world. In the following paragraphs, both of these viewpoints will be outlined before a conclusion is reached. On the one hand, plenty of wildlife are now going to approach extinction
due to
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 disturbing by
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 activities
such
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 as logging or poaching. By donating our
money
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 to animal-related sectors or zoos , with the help of these experts, we will comprehend these endangered species' behaviour and the problems they face on,
moreover
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, the way to conserve them. In fact, there are a lot of endangered creatures that are going to be extinct are alleviated by research that has been published from related sections.
On the other hand
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, some parts of the world have encountered
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
problems,
for instance
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, lack of food, drought and diseases. Giving
money
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 to charity or human-related sectors or volunteering to the recruited programs, that help other humans in undeveloped and isolated areas by giving them supplies, medical care or whatever that essential for living. It provides us with a sense of sympathy for another human being and helps them to build their sense of purpose to stand on their feet again in the future. In conclusion, both that already mentioned above are pivotal. Not only governments should face the problem of the extinction of wild animals and the poverty of the population alone, but we should
also
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 take part by spending our
money
Use synonyms
 and time ,by donating or volunteering, to help them address the problems together.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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coherence cohesion
Consider diversifying your sentence structure to enhance readability and engagement.
task achievement
To further improve, include more specific examples or data to support your arguments, making them more persuasive and grounded.
general
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and work on refining your use of conjunctions for smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a balanced view before concluding with your own opinion. This demonstrates good task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas and the presence of both an introduction and conclusion show strong coherence and cohesion skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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