IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #health #country #government #laws #food #matter #choice #responsibility
Good health and a proper
diet
 are an important part of human
life
. Certain societies believe the health of the communities of the nation should be maintained by the ruling authorities by
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
 strict decisions regarding healthy food. Another group of modernists claims that these things should be maintained by each individual on their own choice and plan. In my opinion, the rate of unhealthy people rising significantly, so it is the responsibility of the government to come up with better laws to promote good healthy
diet
 plans among people so that they can shift to healthy
life
. To commence with, there are uncountable brands promoting unhealthy products as healthy, their products contain only fats and sugar, but in,marketing they claim these products have proteins and vitamins.
Moreover
, the community is
also
 not so smart to check what is healthy for a proper
diet
,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 the rate of the unhealthy population is rising. In
this
 bad situation, the government first permanently ban all these campaigns and should come up with healthy
diet
 tracking applications which will give complete calorie intake for each individual
according to
 their body mass index.
However
, it is an undeniable fact that each person's body reacts differently to different ranges of food, which is why good meals can be allergic or dangerous for them. So it is the responsibility, of society to look towards their daily
diet
 plan, that can actually help them to live a healthy
life
. In a nutshell, each aspect has its pros and cons,
although
 maintaining own
diet
 plan
according to
 their body is important because
this
 will protect an individual to save themselves from allergic food, I believe the responsibility of the government to launch
diet
 applications and promote healthy lifestyle campaigns will help thousands of individuals to start nutritious
life
.
Submitted by gsmultani506 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
The essay discusses both views and provides a clear opinion. Task achievement is partially fulfilled as the essay lacks relevant specific examples to support the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more focused and engaging. To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more cohesive devices and ensuring a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!