IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

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Recently, social
media
Use synonyms
 has taken over several aspects of human life and it gives them a chance to be connected with their friends and relatives and it helps them to be in the circulation of news.
This
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 part of technology has some benefits and drawbacks which in
this
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 essay will be discussed,
also
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,I firmly believe that the number of its advantages is more than its disadvantages. The first area to consider is the wide range of information and
data
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 access caused by social
media
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. To be more specific, there are a number of platforms on which
people
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 are able to go to a global village
by
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and get or share
data
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 there.
For example
Linking Words
, by using some applications like Twitter and
Whatsapp
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WhatsApp
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 they can connect to each other to take or get information to update their knowledge.
Also
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, Students use YouTube and other websites constantly to get
data
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 and even attend online classes.
In addition
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,
people
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 can have an online shop in
this
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 area to sell their products. It is a great method for shopping
that is
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 easy for both sellers and customers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many phoney profiles and manipulated
data
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 on social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 since some
people
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 change
data
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 to suit their personal
need
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needs
show examples
 and publish false information whose credential is questioned,
also
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, internet fraud is another issue in online shopping.
In addition
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, social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 without censorship
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 harmful to children and youngsters as they are exposed to violence and immorality.
Moreover
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, youngsters can not picture their fulfilment in the absence of social
media
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 and without the internet they feel paralysed which leads to becoming addicted to networks.
To conclude
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, despite having negative effects on using social
media
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, I hold the opinion that
this
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 advanced technology is helpful for all
people
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 in their
life
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lives
show examples
 and is effective in
people
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's success.

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General advice
Expand the introduction and conclusion to provide more context and closure. Ensure there is a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction. Develop the main points with stronger examples and explanations to enhance coherence. Connect ideas within paragraphs and across the essay more effectively to improve cohesion and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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