IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #media #touch #news #events #technology
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Recently, social
media
 has taken over several aspects of human life and it gives them a chance to be connected with their friends and relatives and it helps them to be in the circulation of news.
This
 part of technology has some benefits and drawbacks which in
this
 essay will be discussed,
also
,I firmly believe that the number of its advantages is more than its disadvantages. The first area to consider is the wide range of information and
data
 access caused by social
media
. To be more specific, there are a number of platforms on which
people
 are able to go to a global village
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and get or share
data
 there.
For example
, by using some applications like Twitter and
Whatsapp
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WhatsApp
show examples
 they can connect to each other to take or get information to update their knowledge.
Also
, Students use YouTube and other websites constantly to get
data
 and even attend online classes.
In addition
,
people
 can have an online shop in
this
 area to sell their products. It is a great method for shopping
that is
 easy for both sellers and customers.
On the other hand
, there are many phoney profiles and manipulated
data
 on social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 since some
people
 change
data
 to suit their personal
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 and publish false information whose credential is questioned,
also
, internet fraud is another issue in online shopping.
In addition
, social
network
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networks
show examples
 without censorship
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 harmful to children and youngsters as they are exposed to violence and immorality.
Moreover
, youngsters can not picture their fulfilment in the absence of social
media
 and without the internet they feel paralysed which leads to becoming addicted to networks.
To conclude
, despite having negative effects on using social
media
, I hold the opinion that
this
 advanced technology is helpful for all
people
 in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and is effective in
people
's success.
Submitted by mhshid on

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Expand the introduction and conclusion to provide more context and closure. Ensure there is a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction. Develop the main points with stronger examples and explanations to enhance coherence. Connect ideas within paragraphs and across the essay more effectively to improve cohesion and coherence.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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