The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?
It is claimed that all workers deserve much longer weekends
while
working fewer days
during a
week. I completely agree with Correct article usage
the
this
claim as the
jobs are becoming more and more mentally Correct article usage
apply
as well as
physically demanding. Moreover
, longer weekends offer sufficient time to spend with your family and unwind.
Living in a
chaotic world of today left all people out of steam. Correct article usage
the
This
is due to
the nature of the occupation they have which is either mentally or phisically
difficult. Correct your spelling
physically
For instance
, some occupations like being a doctor, or a pilot are labled
as stressful Correct your spelling
labelled
as well as
mentally engaging wheras
others like a miner or a carpenter are Correct your spelling
whereas
phisically
demanding. Correct your spelling
physically
Additionally
, white-collar jobs tend to become more popular among people these days
, as it
Correct pronoun usage
they
provides
much security and enough salary, covering all life costs despite Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
its
difficulty.
Correct pronoun usage
their
Nevertheless
, providing much longer weekends for any type of worker garantees
Correct your spelling
guarantees
a
better efficiency for the Correct article usage
apply
wroking
Correct your spelling
working
days
which will be shorter consequently
. In addition
, it will not only allows
people to dedicate more of their time to their family but Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
also
ensures
a way to unwind and blow off steam to prepare for a perfect working week. A study on teachers working longer weeks in 2015 in Iran revealed that in Correct subject-verb agreement
ensure
long
term, all of them Correct article usage
the long
directed
through a job burn-out, willing to resign or retire much sooner than those who have sufficient time to relax.
In conclusion, we all deserve to work fewer and fewer Add a missing verb
were directed
days
in a week and rest much longer in order to revive energy as well as
build a much stronger family bond. this
essay agrees with this
movement as all the occupations are becoming much more difficult to bear.Submitted by abolfath50 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
Work on your grammar and spelling to improve the precision of your essay. For example, 'phisically' should be 'physically' and 'garantees' should be 'guarantees'.
examples
Provide more detailed examples and flesh out your main points. Instead of broad statements, use specific details. For example, explain how longer weekends could improve efficiency with concrete scenarios or data.
sentence structure
Use a more varied sentence structure to keep the reader engaged. Combine short, simple sentences with longer, more complex ones.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that relate well to the main topic. This provides a good framework for your essay.
depth
Your essay addresses both the mental and physical demands of work, which adds depth to your argument.
supporting example
Good use of a study example to support your point about long-term job burnout.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.