IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
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It is claimed that all workers deserve much longer weekends
while
Linking Words
 working fewer
days
Use synonyms
 during
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 week. I completely agree with
this
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 claim as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jobs are becoming more and more mentally
as well as
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 physically demanding.
Moreover
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, longer weekends offer sufficient time to spend with your family and unwind. Living in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 chaotic world of today left all people out of steam.
This
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 is
due to
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 the nature of the occupation they have which is either mentally or
phisically
Correct your spelling
physically
 difficult.
For instance
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, some occupations like being a doctor, or a pilot are
labled
Correct your spelling
labelled
 as stressful
as well as
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 mentally engaging
wheras
Correct your spelling
whereas
 others like a miner or a carpenter are
phisically
Correct your spelling
physically
 demanding.
Additionally
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, white-collar jobs tend to become more popular among people these
days
Use synonyms
, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 much security and enough salary, covering all life costs despite
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 difficulty.
Nevertheless
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, providing much longer weekends for any type of worker
garantees
Correct your spelling
guarantees
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better efficiency for the
wroking
Correct your spelling
working
days
Use synonyms
 which will be shorter
consequently
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.
In addition
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, it will not only
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
 people to dedicate more of their time to their family but
also
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ensures
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensure
show examples
 a way to unwind and blow off steam to prepare for a perfect working week. A study on teachers working longer weeks in 2015 in Iran revealed that in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term, all of them
directed
Add a missing verb
were directed
show examples
 through a job burn-out, willing to resign or retire much sooner than those who have sufficient time to relax. In conclusion, we all deserve to work fewer and fewer
days
Use synonyms
 in a week and rest much longer in order to revive energy
as well as
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 build a much stronger family bond.
this
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 essay agrees with
this
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 movement as all the occupations are becoming much more difficult to bear.
Submitted by abolfath50 on

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grammar
Work on your grammar and spelling to improve the precision of your essay. For example, 'phisically' should be 'physically' and 'garantees' should be 'guarantees'.
examples
Provide more detailed examples and flesh out your main points. Instead of broad statements, use specific details. For example, explain how longer weekends could improve efficiency with concrete scenarios or data.
sentence structure
Use a more varied sentence structure to keep the reader engaged. Combine short, simple sentences with longer, more complex ones.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that relate well to the main topic. This provides a good framework for your essay.
depth
Your essay addresses both the mental and physical demands of work, which adds depth to your argument.
supporting example
Good use of a study example to support your point about long-term job burnout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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