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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries the average weight of people increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness
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The relation between the average weight of
people
Use synonyms
 is inclining but their wellbeing and fitness level are declining.
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss some of the reasons why these problems have arisen and some of the steps that can be taken to address them. The average
bodyweight
Correct your spelling
body weight
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing
due to
Linking Words
 One problem is eating junk
food
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to consume
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
 outlets nowadays. Junk
food
Use synonyms
 stores a lot of fats and sugar in your body which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 your body bigger in size.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
now adays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have to wake up early and some of them
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not come home early. It leads them not to exercise and it may lead to obesity and
diabetics
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 we can resolve
this
Linking Words
 is that
people
Use synonyms
 should be more selective in what they eat. Like going to eat junk
food
Use synonyms
 has a lot of fats, sugar and other things that are not good for you. So we maybe eat something
heathier
Correct your spelling
healthier
show examples
 than that.
people
Use synonyms
 should maybe try eating more protein and vegetables
instead
Linking Words
 of carbohydrates. Another way of exercising is that
people
Use synonyms
 should not take the entire public transportation home but maybe like 2-3 bus
stop
Fix the agreement mistake
stops
show examples
, you stop and walk home. It will help with the exercising part as
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
show examples
 good for
people
Use synonyms
 to lose weight. In Conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 choose to be unhealthy and not to exercise but
It
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 good choices
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their diet and exercising so that they can be healthier and prevent other health problems in the future.
Submitted by lilinsia12 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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