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Band 5

Fossil fuels, such as coal, oil and natural gas, are the main source for many countries. However, some nations are using alternatie energy such as solar power and wind power. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, fossil fuels are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major source for a number of nations.
However
, some countries are moving to renewable types of
energy
such
 as solar
power
 and wind
power
. I believe that it is a beneficial development for the society and environment.
To begin
 with, resources
such
 as coal, oil and natural gas, are extremely harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature,
due to
 the significant amount of
air
 emissions, that occur during the burning process of fossil fuels in order to produce
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
energy
. To illustrate, one of the main problems in the world, global
warmth
Replace the word
warming
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, is mostly affected by
air
 pollution.
Moreover
,
this
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these
show examples
 sources are limited in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why people cannot use them
for ever
Correct your spelling
forever
show examples
 as the main item to create
a
Correct article usage
apply
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heat and
energy
.
Therefore
,
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 method of making
electicity
Correct your spelling
electricity
 is needed.
Furthermore
, alternative
energy
, compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fossil fuels, is significantly better in terms of the environment and humanity.
This
 is mostly because renewable
energy
 requires only unlimited and
environmental
Change the adjective
environmentally
show examples
 friendly types of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
power
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sunlight or
the
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apply
show examples
wind,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means no dangerous gases or waste, only
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
energy
.
For example
,
according to
 a recent study, the level of
air
 emission in the world was reduced, after some nations moved to alternative sources of electricity.
That is
 why,
trend
Add an article
the trend
a trend
show examples
with
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of
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exploitating
Correct your spelling
exploiting
exploitation
 new
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 of creating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
energy
 is
advantageous
Add an article
an advantageous
show examples
 improvement.
To conclude
, many countries still make
energy
 by the traditional method,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature because of
air
 emissions.
Nevertheless
, cutting-edge technologies
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 producing
energy
,
such
 as solar and wind
power
 are popular in some nations as it does not have any negative impact on the earth,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a positive development.
Submitted by hhaha9102 on

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relevant specific examples
To improve your score, try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
logical structure
Work on refining your logical structure to ensure that your ideas flow more smoothly from one to the next. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
general advice
Make sure to thoroughly proofread your essay for minor language errors and awkward phrasing. Eliminating these small mistakes can boost your score.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
complete response
You have provided a complete response to the task and addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of moving to alternative energy sources.
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