IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #businesses #people #closure #death #communities
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Nowadays, a plethora of giant stores have gained
dominant
Correct article usage
a dominant
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 ratio in the market.
As a result
Linking Words
, some domestic businesses will lose their profit which will create a multiplier effect which is ceasing
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 of local society. I agree with the previous notion because the dying of
domestic
Correct article usage
the domestic
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economy
Use synonyms
 can be caused by massive corporations which do
monopoly
Correct article usage
a monopoly
show examples
 system. In the following paragraphs, I will detail my perspective.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a number of shops which operate in the rural area provide multitudinous goods to people who live in that zone.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, innumerable companies with countless capital expand massively their range even in suburban
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
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.
As a consequence
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 of the previous scheme, local shops are not able to exist in view of they face a lack of resources. The mentioned situation will be damaged for villagers because there will be
probability
Add an article
the probability
a probability
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 that the enormous business
do
Change the verb form
does
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monopoly
Correct article usage
a monopoly
show examples
 schedule which cannot be refused by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, many traditional sellers face
bankrupt
Replace the word
bankruptcy
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 because they cannot survive among companies which control countless capital.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the discussed phenomenon can cause social issues. One of many stigmas is suburban people will think that they cannot rule the
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economy
Replace the word
economic
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 situation in their location.
As a result
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, a large conflict can exist
due to
Linking Words
 many
population
Change to a plural noun
populations
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stand
Wrong verb form
standing
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 on the contention that they are ruled economically by other parties.
For example
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, there were huge riots in Indonesia
during
Change preposition
in
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 1998
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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one of many causes was a prejudice that Chinese businessmen ruled
Indonesian
Correct article usage
the Indonesian
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economy
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. Obviously, the public policymakers should construct a regulation in order to ensure that
village
Correct article usage
the village
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economy
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 cannot be ruled by giant corporations.
To conclude
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, I agree that monopoly
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 by large business parties will be detrimental situations for the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
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such
Linking Words
 as ceasing small shops and making a stigma among people.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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