Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in.

#selfishness #basis #society #people #values #respect #community #world

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Today, the luxury lifestyle has affected humans’ living conditions fundamentally.

While

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in the past traditional rules were a major base for many communities, now

people

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consider money as a priority. Some believe that our ancestors had a better living situation, and I firmly agree with them. Undeniably, now personal factors have become the first choice for many

people

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living across the world. One obvious example is that young

people

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have less respect for elders. Thinking solely of the benefits, juveniles less value their parents’ attitudes compared to the past.

For instance

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, to select their marriage partner, the former youth considered their parents’ opinions more than now,

whereas

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now they have become more selfish and do not value their parents’ experience.

In addition

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, the more they live without their parent’s assistance, the more they feel confident.

This

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means, selfishness has led young to have more independence when it comes to the selection of their study subject,

while

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they were more under the control of their parents in

this

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matter before.

In contrast

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, considering traditions can be more helpful in any aspect of life, and I agree with

this

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view. One important factor is that the rate of crime can be decreased far dramatically. Unfortunately, to make more profit, individuals follow rules less than before, and fraud rates have considerably increased.

However

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, if they had considered the moral aspects being valued in the past, they would not have crossed the line. Another factor is that emotionally

people

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will have a better supportive condition. Clearly, traditions induce citizens to support their relatives or friends. In conclusion, humans have become less dependent on their family and community. I believe that the benefits earned by

this

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method of living have become less obvious than the traditional one our ancestors had. I personally believe that not only the rate of violence will decrease, but

people

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will be backed up by each other emotionally.

Submitted by aim7lva on Fri Jun 30 2023

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task response

Overall, the essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing the impact of luxury lifestyle on traditional values and the importance of returning to older values of respect for family and community. However, some examples could be more specific and the connection between personal factors and traditional values could be further developed.

coherence and cohesion

The essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing the negative impact of personal factors on traditional values and the benefits of traditional values, and a conclusion. Transitions between paragraphs could be improved to enhance coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

317 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

modern society
traditional values
familial bonds
community ties
collective well-being
individual gain
responsibility
care for others
neglect
isolation
honesty
respect
cooperation
individual greed
ethical conduct
social cohesion
crime rates
mental health
general happiness

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Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

You travelled by plane last week and your suitcase was lost. You have still heard nothing from the airline company. Write to the airline and explain what happened. Describe your suitcase and tell them what was in it. Find out what they are going to do about it.

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working hours for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweight the disadvantages?

Computers can now help people translate things immediately so there is no need for people to learn other languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent you agree or disagree?

low cost airline let people travel around the world. Some say it is positive, other say it is negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion