IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that a good way to reduce crime is longer sentences. Others may think there are alternate ways to this problem. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #sentences
The prosperity of a nation is proportional to a decrease in
crime
 rates. Many people think that increasing the sentence helps to decrease criminality,
while
 some people believe that different actions needed to be taken to lessen crimes. In my opinion, stricter punishments needed to be enforced to lower the law breaks.
Firstly
, it is important to increase the sentence for a
crime
 to make sure the
prisoner
 will have
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
time
 to rethink his future.
This
 is because the jail authorities will be getting enough
time
 to counsel every
prisoner
 and the individual will be disengaged from his criminal activities and gets a lot of
time
 to think about a life outside crimes.
For instance
, the freedom inside the jail will be limited to basic activities and the
prisoner
 will not have enough
time
 to interact with their criminal friends which would eventually give the
prisoner
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
 to think about his own life. The argument goes that longer sentences will help the
prisoner
 to come out of his criminal activities as he will be in contact with his colleagues.
However
, it is important to induce
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
fear
 into the offenders to not break the law. The reason for
this
 is, in today's world
crime
 rate is increasing as the laws are getting liberal and it is very important to increase the
fear
 in offenders that the authorities would punish them hard in case they break the law.
For instance
, rape cases in India are increasing every day as the offenders know the Indian Judiciary will not give them any severe punishments like Death Sentences for rape cases. These types of cases can be reduced considerably if a
fear
 of severe punishment is induced into the lawbreakers. In conclusion,
although
 it is important to increase the sentence, it might not help to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 as the
fear
 of severe punishment will be more helpful to curtail the
crime
 rates.
Submitted by jaikrishnavijay on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: