IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you don't want to do, or don't have time to do, for example, household chores or looking after children. Is this a good way of providing work for others? Should people do these things themselves? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There are things in life that you do not want to do by yourself , or you can not because of
time
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 constraints.
For example
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, you pay an official to make your household or for daily child care. I strongly believe providing assignments to other
people
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 is the best way rather than being frustated do it by yourself.
This
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 can save
time
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 and give paid
work
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 to other
people
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.
Firstly
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, paid help is good for jobs and for busy
people
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, but
people
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 should not pay others for every small job. Paying for help gives
work
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 and money to other
people
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.
For example
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, a working parent pays a child-care worker for three hours after school. The parent can
work
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, and the worker has paid
work
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. Not only does teamwork lead to more efficiency, but it
also
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 creates space.
For instance
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, a parent may need child care so they can keep their job,
while
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 the child is safe with a trained worker.
Secondly
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, when
people
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 get obsessed with a given task, it is ok to give it up.
For instance
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, cleaning windows in your house makes you very angry. Because you can not do it properly as you like. If you do so, it will take a lot more
time
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, leading to frustration. At
this
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 point, it will be better to give the effort to someone else who is happy to do it.
However
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,
people
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 should still do some basic home jobs when they can, because
this
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 builds life skills and may save money To summarise,
people
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 should pay for help when they are busy or the job needs skill, but they should do simple jobs when they have
time
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.
Therefore
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, it is a good thing, even when you do small aversions yourself.
Moreover
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, I would recommend doing so.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is clear and on topic, but some ideas need more detail. Explain more fully why paid help is good for workers, such as a steady job, money for a family, or work for people with useful skills.
task response
The point about being angry at cleaning windows is not very strong. Use a more useful reason, such as lack of time, old age, illness, safety, or a job that needs special skill.
task response
Add one more clear example from your own life or from people you know. For example: 'My aunt pays a cleaner once a week because she works long hours. The cleaner earns money, and my aunt has more time with her children.'
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Keep one main idea in each part. In the first main part, you move from jobs to busy parents to teamwork. Make the link more clear: paid help gives workers jobs and helps parents keep their jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between sentences are not clear. For example, 'Not only does teamwork lead to more efficiency, but it also creates space' is hard to understand. Say: 'This saves time for the parent and gives the worker a job.'
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for the same idea. Write 'paying someone to help' or 'paid help' instead of 'providing assignments', 'give the effort', and 'make your household.' This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats the main idea well, but 'small aversions' does not fit. Write: 'People should still do small tasks themselves when they have time.'
task response
You give a clear view: paying for help is good when people are busy or when a job needs skill.
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain that paid help gives work to others, but people should still do some home jobs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Words such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'However', and 'To summarise' help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your child-care example is clear and fits your main point well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment opportunities
  • Economic contribution
  • Specialization
  • Efficiency
  • Work-life balance
  • Productivity
  • Leisure time
  • Stress reduction
  • Quality of work
  • Trained professionals
  • Dependency
  • Life skills
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Accomplishment
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