IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows spending on different forms of music in America in two years.

The bar chart below shows spending on different forms of music in America in two years.
#bar #forms #music #america #two #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates changes in the spending of Americans on 5 different
music
Use synonyms
 channels (
Downloads
Use synonyms
, Streaming, CD,
Synchronisation
Use synonyms
Royalties
Use synonyms
 and
Music
Use synonyms
 Video) over one year (2013-2014).
Overall
Linking Words
, the most striking feature is that in 2014 Americans paid less for all categories, with the exception of Streaming,
while
Linking Words
Downloads
Use synonyms
 still received the most money and
Music
Use synonyms
 Videos the least.
Also
Linking Words
,
Synchronisation
Use synonyms
Royalties
Use synonyms
 and
Music
Use synonyms
 Videos saw a less significant decrease in absolute values, than
Downloads
Use synonyms
 and CDs. In 2013,
Downloads
Use synonyms
 dominated the market with 1541
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 spent on
this
Linking Words
 category,
while
Linking Words
 CD stood next at 885
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, both these categories dropped significantly to 1300
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 and 719
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Streaming stood at 700
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 occupying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place in 2013 but had increased considerably to 860
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 by 2014, reversing positions with CD. The least popular
music
Use synonyms
 channels in both years were
Synchronisation
Use synonyms
Royalties
Use synonyms
 and
Music
Use synonyms
 Video.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 there was a slight decrease in
Synchronisation
Use synonyms
Royalties
Use synonyms
, which dropped from 100
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2013 to 90
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2014,
Music
Use synonyms
 Video underwent a more dramatic decrease, with 50
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2013 dropping to 10
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2014.
Submitted by vlad.chibisov on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words music, downloads, synchronisation, royalties, million, dollars with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: