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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Technology has changed the way people live today. Some say it is for the better while others say that it has created just as many problems. Give the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

Society has changed dramatically over the years, mainly because of rapid technological advancement.
While
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 many
people
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 believe that
technology
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 has improved the quality of life, others argue that it has created new problems.
This
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 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of
technology
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. On the one hand,
technology
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 provides several important benefits.
Firstly
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, it has transformed the education system by making learning more accessible. Many schools and universities now offer online courses, allowing students to study from anywhere.
This
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 is particularly helpful for individuals with learning difficulties or those who cannot attend classes in person.
Secondly
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,
technology
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 has greatly improved communication.
People
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 who live far apart can easily stay connected through social media and messaging applications.
As a result
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, families and friends can maintain strong relationships despite physical distance.
Moreover
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,
technology
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 has created new ways for
people
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 to earn money. Online businesses, remote jobs, and digital platforms allow individuals to work from home and manage their own income more flexibly.
On the other hand
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,
technology
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also
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 has several disadvantages. One major issue is cyberbullying, which has become increasingly common, especially among teenagers. Hurtful comments or images can be shared online, causing serious emotional damage.
In addition
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, online security is a growing concern. Hackers may steal personal or financial information for illegal purposes.
Furthermore
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, excessive use of
technology
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 has negatively affected lifestyles. Many
people
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 are addicted to the internet, spending long hours on video games or social media, which can reduce productivity and harm mental health. In conclusion,
although
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technology
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 has many advantages, it
also
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 presents significant challenges.
Therefore
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, it is essential to use
technology
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 responsibly in order to benefit from it
while
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 avoiding its negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples

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task
Make your main idea in the intro clear in one line.
task
Give more detail for each point and show both sides fairly.
coherence
Use more link words to move from one idea to the next.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling, especially plural forms.
lexical
Add more real examples or facts to support points if you can.
structure
The essay has a clear plan: intro, body, and conclusion.
content
You show contrast with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
content
You talk about important ideas like education and online safety.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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