In many countries, children are engaged in part-time jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

There are a lot of countries where

children

Use synonyms

work in different

half-time

Correct word choice

part-time

show examples

jobs. Some

people

Use synonyms

believe part-time work is

on behalf

Correct word choice

beneficial

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

children

Use synonyms

as they can learn real-

life

Use synonyms

Check wording

skills earlier

show examples

earlier

Punctuation problem

earlier,

show examples

while

Linking Words

others think

this

Linking Words

situation can negatively affect the

youngster`s

Check wording

youngsters'

show examples

psychology. I believe that the disadvantages of

this

Linking Words

trend vastly outweigh the advantages.

Firstly

Linking Words

, starting

Verb problem

apply

show examples

work

life

Use synonyms

at a very early age can provide a better understanding of reality for young

people

Use synonyms

. If you start a

job

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

you are

Rephrase

still a

show examples

child

Use synonyms

yet

Rephrase

apply

show examples

, you can

realize

Change the spelling

realise

show examples

how much effort you must make to earn a good salary. Many

people

Use synonyms

become aware of

this

Linking Words

situation very late, so they struggle with their profession, and they wonder if they

gave

Verb problem

made

show examples

the correct decision by choosing their field.

In addition

Linking Words

to that, finding a

job

Use synonyms

with an individual`s particular interest in early

life

Use synonyms

can give them some ideas about it

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

people

Use synonyms

assess their feelings for the future.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, a part-time occupation can provide money to students.

Thus

Linking Words

, with their earnings

Use synonyms

children

Punctuation problem

, children

show examples

can afford their books, computers

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

this

Linking Words

profit can

Verb problem

have

show examples

a positive effect on their study

life

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, I believe there are some side effects of working

while

Linking Words

child

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, being engaged with a half-time

job

Use synonyms

can lead lack of energy for school.

Due to

Linking Words

heavy duties, youngsters can suffer from exhaustion.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they can come face-to-face with low marks in school and be unsuccessful.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the majority of the population believes that being independent in the very early stage of

life

Use synonyms

can negatively affect a

child

Use synonyms

`s mental health. As a

child

Use synonyms

, they should spend their free time playing games,

socializing

Change the spelling

socialising

show examples

with other

children

Use synonyms

, and

making

Verb problem

participating in

show examples

different activities. Giving heavy duties to a

child

Use synonyms

and forcing them to earn money can

create

Verb problem

cause

show examples

big

Correct word choice

significant

show examples

damage to the juvenile`s social behaviour. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

there are a few advantages of working,

such

Linking Words

as making a profit and trial for the profession, in a part-time

job

Use synonyms

for

children

Use synonyms

, there are

serious

Correct word order

also serious

show examples

negative effects

also

Linking Words

as it

uploads

Verb problem

places

show examples

a difficult workload

Change preposition

show examples

child

Use synonyms

. I believe that a kid`s mental well-being and having a healthy

life

Use synonyms

are much more important than making money.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the demerits outweigh the merits.

sezencizmecigil

Jun 30, 2023

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tip

Make the main idea clear in the first line of the intro.

improvement

Each paragraph should have one main idea and use easy links to join ideas.

tip

Add more real examples to back up points.

strength

The writer shows a view that the bad side is strong.

structure

Two sides are shown and a conclusion is added.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

370 words

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In many countries, children are engaged in part-time jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that the best way to teach children to behave well is to punish them. Others argue that rewarding and praising children is a better way to teach them the difference betweeen right and wrong. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Compared to past, more people are now trying to learn a foreign language to increase their chances of landing a better job in their native country or to have better opportunities to work abroad. To what extent do you agree with this point of view?

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.