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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a paricular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a paricular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017
#tourists #paricular #caribbean #island
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The
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates the number of
visitors
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 who stay in two different places in the Caribbean
such
Linking Words
 as on
cruise
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ships
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 and islands from 2010 to 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, in terms of
visitors
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 on
cruise
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ships
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 , from 2012 to 2017 experienced a significant
increasing
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increase
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that is
Linking Words
 mean from 2012 which was the least number of
visitors
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 in the
graph
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, was between 0 and 0.5 and the same in 2010, to 2017 was 2 the higher amount of visitor in the island and
also
Linking Words
 more that visitor in
cruise
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ships
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. the visitor on
cruise
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ships
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 all year
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more than other
visitorsvisitor
Correct your spelling
visitors visitor
, in 2016 and 2017. The
graph
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 does not have a rapid downward, even though 2016 in
cruise
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 ship
visitors
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 and 2012 in island
visitors
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 are exceptions.
According to
Linking Words
 the
visitors
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 who stay on the island,
,,
Change the punctuation
apply
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Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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 it was rising slightly, there was a lot of stability and the same average. For ,instance the years 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2017 were 1.5 and
also
Linking Words
 in the prime years like 2010 and 2011 was almost 1.6. In the ,
graph
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 we can see the one line that has a sharply grown, that line is the total of
visitors
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. In
this
Linking Words
 line is the number of both groups, for more explanation
this
Linking Words
, both have developed but in 2015 and 2016 nothing changed and they were near 2.8.
Submitted by y.maryam.2004 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, visitors, cruise, ships with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 2 times.
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