People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Some
people
suggest that it is a personal responsibility to stay happy
while
others argue that it
is depend
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depends
show examples
on external factors. I would say that to become happy is our own choice
not
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, not
show examples
others. On the one hand,
people
consider doing their favourite activities in order to maintain their emotions, especially when they feel anxious or
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
long
Add an article
a long
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cramped week. There are several activities
people
do in order to keep themselves
stay
Verb problem
apply
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happy
such
as singing, playing games, doing
sport
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sports
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, dancing or
eat
Wrong verb form
eating their
show examples
favourite food. Take singing
for example
, it become
more
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apply
show examples
easier nowadays to do karaoke using
provided
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the provided
a provided
show examples
platform on a mobile phone or computer
while
choosing
song
Correct article usage
a song
show examples
independently. It
also
has a specific feature which is choosing partners from different countries to play
song
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songs
show examples
together.
Thus
, when
peoples
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people
show examples
are in bad
feeling
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feelings
show examples
they simply can do
such
a simple thing
like
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as
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that to manage their feelings.
On the other hand
, there are some
people
who have a tendency to feel happy just because of what happens around them. They have a tendency
rely
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to rely
show examples
on other
people
or even the weather.
For instance
, there is a study conducted on employees to measure their productivity during rainy days, and the results show that productivity is much lower than the sunny days.
Thus
, the weather really affects
people
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people's
show examples
emotion
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emotions
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, particularly when the feelings of
people
depend on the weather.
To conclude
,
although
some external factors could affect
people
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people's
show examples
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
, I believe that
people
themselves know exactly how to deal with their own self.
Therefore
, maintaining emotion to stay happy is a personal responsibility.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Try to provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction that states your overall position on the topic.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve the clarity of your writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Self-reliance
  • Positive psychology
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Well-being
  • Mindset
  • Personal choices
  • Environmental factors
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Emotional resilience
  • Quality of life
  • Subjective well-being
  • External circumstances
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