People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #happiness #factors #life

Some

people

suggest that it is a personal responsibility to stay happy

while

others argue that it

is depend

Change the verb form

depends

show examples

on external factors. I would say that to become happy is our own choice

not

Add the comma(s)

, not

show examples

others. On the one hand,

people

consider doing their favourite activities in order to maintain their emotions, especially when they feel anxious or

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

long

Add an article

a long

show examples

cramped week. There are several activities

people

do in order to keep themselves

stay

Verb problem

apply

show examples

happy

such

as singing, playing games, doing

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

, dancing or

eat

Wrong verb form

eating their

show examples

favourite food. Take singing

for example

, it become

Change the word

apply

show examples

easier nowadays to do karaoke using

provided

Add an article

the provided

a provided

show examples

platform on a mobile phone or computer

while

choosing

song

Correct article usage

a song

show examples

independently. It

also

has a specific feature which is choosing partners from different countries to play

song

Fix the agreement mistake

songs

show examples

together.

Thus

, when

peoples

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

are in bad

feeling

Fix the agreement mistake

feelings

show examples

they simply can do

such

a simple thing

Change preposition

show examples

that to manage their feelings.

On the other hand

, there are some

people

who have a tendency to feel happy just because of what happens around them. They have a tendency

rely

Fix the infinitive

to rely

show examples

on other

people

or even the weather.

For instance

, there is a study conducted on employees to measure their productivity during rainy days, and the results show that productivity is much lower than the sunny days.

Thus

, the weather really affects

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

emotion

Fix the agreement mistake

emotions

show examples

, particularly when the feelings of

people

depend on the weather.

To conclude

although

some external factors could affect

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

emotion

Fix the agreement mistake

emotions

show examples

, I believe that

people

themselves know exactly how to deal with their own self.

Therefore

, maintaining emotion to stay happy is a personal responsibility.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Sat Jul 01 2023

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task achievement

Try to provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction that states your overall position on the topic.

task achievement

Expand on your ideas and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.

grammatical range accuracy

Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve the clarity of your writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Self-reliance
Positive psychology
Socioeconomic status
Well-being
Mindset
Personal choices
Environmental factors
Interpersonal relationships
Emotional resilience
Quality of life
Subjective well-being
External circumstances

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People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?

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Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their major subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to their main subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.