IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is important for people to take risks , both in their professional lives and their personal lives . do you think the advantages of taking risks out weigh the disadvatages ?

#people #risks #lives #disadvatages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no perfect
life
Use synonyms
 without
risk
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Risk taking
Add a hyphen
Risk-taking
show examples
 is a crucial part of human lives for their
further
Linking Words
 growth
I
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
business
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 private
life
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 , taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 can help
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
career
Correct word choice
and career
show examples
 goals .
for instance
Linking Words
 , an office with 50
workers
Use synonyms
 would take
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 a
risk
Use synonyms
 to grow
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
business
Use synonyms
.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
 an essential part of their
businesss
Correct your spelling
business
businesses
 to think about
further
Linking Words
 growth of their
business
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 their
Use synonyms
workers
Change noun form
worker's
workers'
show examples
 future.
Whereas
Linking Words
workers
Use synonyms
 could gain more knowledge and experience and the owner
gain
Change the verb form
gains
show examples
 more profits. In
personal
Correct pronoun usage
our personal
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 in our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 without ups and downs
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 isn’t a
spice up
Add a hyphen
spice-up
show examples
 in our
life
Use synonyms
. A baby without falling cannot learn to walk same as that in each stage of our
life
Use synonyms
 there is a
risk
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,
risk
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 bring anxiety and
fear
Use synonyms
 of
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
. A person would think of his
business
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 lost and profit. He fears more about
fear
Use synonyms
 of his
business
Use synonyms
 what if I take
this
Linking Words
risk
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Where as
Correct your spelling
Whereas
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 would
fear
Use synonyms
 to give
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 ideas .
a
Capitalize word
A
show examples
 parent would
fear
Use synonyms
 to let their baby
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
walk where he/she falls and
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 hurt.
Like wise
Correct your spelling
Likewise
show examples
 a couple would
fear
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
divorce. In conclusion , taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 is a essential part of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 to overcome the
fear
Use synonyms
 of
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 take
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 and start the adventures
Use synonyms
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
 ride without
fear
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by zahraasmi2001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: