IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#families #parents #work #people #children
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The pressures of modern life mean that in many families both the mother and father have jobs
while
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 the
children
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 spend
time
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 in
childcare
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. Some individuals believe
this
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 has
a negative effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a negative effect
negative effects
show examples
 on family life.
This
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 essay will argue that
although
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this
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 situation may place pressure on people ,
overall
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 it results in more advantages than disadvantages. Some people believe that paying people to look after your
children
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 has a negative impact.
Firstly
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 , many feel that
children
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 should spend more
time
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 with their family because the relationship is closer and more loving than with a career.
Secondly
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 , others argue that
children
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 need to relax at home rather than be in a stressful
childcare
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 environment.
For example
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 , there might be bullying that a child has to deal with.
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lastly
Capitalize word
Lastly
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, many think that the extra cost of
childcare
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 means that having a second salary provides few benefits.
However
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, just because
a stays
Correct the article-noun agreement
a stay
stays
show examples
 at home with the
children
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 , it does not necessarily mean that they will use the
time
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 to develop family relationships. Constantly caring for
children
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 can , in fact , cause strain.
Besides
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, there are many benefits to
children
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 being looked after in paid care.
For instance
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 , nowadays
children
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 do not socialise with each other as much as in the past.
Childcare
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 gives more opportunities for
this
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 to happen.
Secondly
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 ,
childcare
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 can provide lots more opportunities to do different things not available at home ,
such
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 as playing team sports.
Lastly
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 , parents who use
childcare
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 may have more energy when they play with their
children
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 at the weekends and a little extra money to pay for holidays. In conclusion , I believe that it is the quality of
time
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 spent with
children
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that is
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 important , not the quantity. Provided parents choose
childcare
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 providers wisely ,
children
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 can have more varied and higher quality life
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 if both parents work.
Submitted by zahraasmi2001 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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