In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#families #parents #work #people #children

The pressures of modern life mean that in many families both the mother and father have jobs

while

the

children

spend

time

childcare

. Some individuals believe

this

has

a negative effects

Correct the article-noun agreement

a negative effect

negative effects

show examples

on family life.

This

essay will argue that

although

this

situation may place pressure on people ,

overall

it results in more advantages than disadvantages. Some people believe that paying people to look after your

children

has a negative impact.

Firstly

, many feel that

children

should spend more

time

with their family because the relationship is closer and more loving than with a career.

Secondly

, others argue that

children

need to relax at home rather than be in a stressful

childcare

environment.

For example

, there might be bullying that a child has to deal with.

lastly

Capitalize word

Lastly

show examples

, many think that the extra cost of

childcare

means that having a second salary provides few benefits.

However

, just because

a stays

Correct the article-noun agreement

a stay

stays

show examples

at home with the

children

, it does not necessarily mean that they will use the

time

to develop family relationships. Constantly caring for

children

can , in fact , cause strain.

Besides

, there are many benefits to

children

being looked after in paid care.

For instance

, nowadays

children

do not socialise with each other as much as in the past.

Childcare

gives more opportunities for

this

to happen.

Secondly

childcare

can provide lots more opportunities to do different things not available at home ,

such

as playing team sports.

Lastly

, parents who use

childcare

may have more energy when they play with their

children

at the weekends and a little extra money to pay for holidays. In conclusion , I believe that it is the quality of

time

spent with

children

that is

important , not the quantity. Provided parents choose

childcare

providers wisely ,

children

can have more varied and higher quality life

experience

Fix the agreement mistake

experiences

show examples

if both parents work.

Submitted by zahraasmi2001 on Sat Jul 01 2023

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Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

316 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The threat of nuclear weapons maintains the world peace. The benefits of nuclear technology far out-weight the disadvantages.

Some people believe that environmental problems are too big for individuals ro deal with, while other think that individual should take some action. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many people believe that social networking sites have had a huge negative atibe impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree.

Advantages and disadvantages using internet in the modern era