IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the sales figures for children's toys in 2012 and 2016 in six different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the chart below shows the sales figures for children's toys in 2012 and 2016 in six different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#sales #figures #children #toys #six #countries #information #features #comparisons
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The chart illustrates the information about the
price
Use synonyms
 of trade for
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 toys during the period from 2012 to 2016. The unit of measurement is in US
dollars
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the cost of sales of children’s dolls rose steadily over the period, except in
Japan
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.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
price
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 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 remained constant.
As a result
Linking Words
, the cost of toys in the UK was higher
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2012 to 2016. In 2012, the UK got 8
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
, compared to 2012 at about 6
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
. The lowest
price
Use synonyms
 in 2016, is in
Japan
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 and Brazil, both of those at 1
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
, in 2012 that the sales were lower in India,
almost
Change preposition
with almost
show examples
 0
billion
Use synonyms
 sales.
However
Linking Words
, India grew in 2016
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2
billion
Use synonyms
. In 2012, the highest
price
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 was in the USA at 3
billion
Use synonyms
. Followed by
Japan
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 and China at 1
billion
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dollars
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. In conclusion, in all different
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 there was a rocket between 2012 and 2016 except
Japan
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 kept on 1
billion
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dollars
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by gabriellasada24 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words price, dollars, japan, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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