IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
A section of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 countries
opine
Change the verb form
opines
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 spending
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
show examples
 number of money on developing new
railways
Change the noun form
railway
show examples
 lines for speedy trains
while
 some
people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 every sector of
communication
 should be updated for the advantage of using
varies
Replace the word
various
show examples
transport
.
Otherwise
 using
one
 medium of
communication
 will be
burden
Add an article
a burden
show examples
 and feel crowded for passengers. In my opinion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should improve all types of public
transport
.
Firstly
, in
this
 era of modern technology,
people
 have the opportunity to
use
 different kinds of
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
. Like
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
, metro rail,
subway
Fix the agreement mistake
subways
show examples
,
ship
Fix the agreement mistake
ships
show examples
,
plane
Fix the agreement mistake
planes
show examples
, auto
rickshaw
Fix the agreement mistake
rickshaws
show examples
,
taxi
Fix the agreement mistake
taxis
show examples
 and so on. Somehow if there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 any difficulties with
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
show examples
 system citizens can
use
subway
Correct article usage
the subway
show examples
 or
taxi
 or any other motor
vehicles
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicle
show examples
. A developing country like Bangladesh is using currently metro rail. So,
people
 can
experienced
Change the verb form
experience
show examples
 different means of
communication
. Which increased a country's impressions
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 other countries. Namely, in China bullet
train
 is very popular.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 they
also
 have air-plane and other
trasport
Correct your spelling
transport
. My brother was in China. He has a meeting with his
deligates
Correct your spelling
delegates
. The day he had
meeting
Add an article
a meeting
show examples
,
bullet
Correct article usage
the bullet
show examples
train
 service was closed for mechanical upgradation. His plan was to
use
bullet
Correct article usage
a bullet
show examples
train
 to reach his destination.
Although
 he could not
use
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
show examples
 of the problem.
Therefore
 he had to go to the meeting via
taxi
. So he
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 the benefit of having multiple choices of
communication
.
Secondly
, if
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 only
focus
Change the verb form
focuses
show examples
 on railway improvement
then
people
 will only have
one
 option for daily
trasportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
. That will create pressure on
one
 vehicle system.
In addition
, railway lines have limitations. They can not be
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every where
Correct your spelling
everywhere
show examples
. What if in some places railway track can not
be place
Change the verb form
be placed
show examples
. That place will be disattached from the other cities.
For instance
, my colleague
wanted
Add the particle
towanted
show examples
 go to his hometown "Ishwardi" via
train
 to celebrate
Eid
. As in the vacation of
Eid
 everyone wants to go to their hometown, so
train
 tickets were all sold. He was very upset, as there
wasn't
Change the verb form
weren't
show examples
 any
bus
 or
taxi
 facilities in "Ishwardi".
Then
 few of his friends before
one
 day
of
Change preposition
after
show examples
Eid
 hired a
bus
 from Dhaka to Ishwardi. So he
team
Change the verb form
teams
show examples
 up with them. And
finally
, he had
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
 to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 his
Eid
 happiness with his family. So, having and improving only
one
communication
 channel
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 enough. On the basis of
above
Add an article
the above
show examples
 discussion, I believe
improvement
Add an article
the improvement
show examples
 of all the existing
communication
 medium
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 necessary.
Thus
 gives the option of having
muliple
Correct your spelling
multiple
transport
 facilities. And it will not create
extra
Add an article
an extra
show examples
 burden on
one
 motor vehicle or
one
 medium of
transport
 system.
Submitted by kaynath87 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: