some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some
students
have demanded the addition of other subjects
to their main courses, while
others contend that they have to prioritize their major-related subjects
. Although
I acknowledge the benefits of the former approach, I have an inclination toward the latter group.
Adding extracurricular subjects
offers creativity and life balance. Firstly
, studying other materials can open one's horizons and unlock doors into uncharted territories where individuals
would be able to foster their innovation and creativity. These invaluable abilities can help individuals
to stand apart from their peers and surpass them in professional settings. Take Steve Jobs, for instance
; his insatiable curiosity encouraged him to attend calligraphy classes. This
unrelated skill later became the primary motive for the distinguishable design of iPhone's apps. Additionally
, it is argued that doing artistic and sportive activities replenishes individuals
' energy sources and lowers their heightened stress level caused by the rigorous syllabus. These activities help individuals
get away from the daily grind and focus on something less stressful for a while
, ultimately encouraging a more balanced lifestyle.
However
, the lack of time and little value these unrelated subjects
offer have constrained their addition to the university's curricula. Students
' schedules are already condensed, and adding extra materials would only bring about negative impacts on their health and later economic achievement. Students
have to manage studying and researching, along with
attending lectures during their university years. Therefore
, adding other subjects
only demands extra work, ultimately necessitating students
to lessen their sleeping hours and force them to abandon their leisure time activities. This
unbalanced approach can cause anxiety and depression in the long run. Moreover
, by shortening lecture times in order to make way for other subjects
, professors are obliged to omit a significant portion of information. As a result
, students
will not get an adequate education and will not be equipped with the essential skills demanded in professional settings. Hence
, without the required skills, they will be forced to opt for jobs with lower incomes.
In conclusion, the potential drawbacks of adding extra subjects
outweigh its benefits. Therefore
, I am of the opinion that students
should focus on their studies related to their qualification
.Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
Submitted by ghazalmoosavi79 on
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task response
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, which effectively addresses the task. However, try to elaborate a bit more on each viewpoint to enrich your analysis further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and transitions smoothly to maintain flow and coherence. This will help in making the essay even easier to follow.
introduction conclusion
Your essay provides a clear introduction that presents the issue and your opinion succinctly, which is a strength of effective writing.
task response
You have successfully used a relevant example (Steve Jobs) to support your point, which enhances the task response significantly.