IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that what chiinfluenceldren watch on television will their behavior. Others think that the time they watch television influences their behavior most .Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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it is undeniable that
time
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 and what children watch on television will affect their attitude. As a matter of fact, television is one of the most effective technologies which is a two-edged sword. It is Either improving your attitude or either decreasing it.
firstly
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, research has shown that offspring learning from
TV
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 with
parents
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' control in selecting specific subjects are more educated than ones choosing random channels.
For instance
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, boys and girls watching cartoons are quieter and are better at multitasking,
while
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 others who are watching random channels are more confused and less talkative.
For
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example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 manage free
time
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 for kids to watch and select their favourite episode that was chosen by
parents
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. Fathers and mothers must be mentors for their kids, after all raising offspring reflects
parents
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' behaviour too.
secondly
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, consuming more
time
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 sitting in front of the
TV
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 could be harmful to under-age kids
due to
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 causing overweight problems and backache.
Furthermore
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,
TV
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 set addiction is a result of not moving, selecting one path of life routine, and having less number of relationships which kills childhood moments. As
such
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, the way humans will grow up after they decide to choose sitting and watching television for a long period leads to the next generation presenting with bad habits. In my opinion, fathers and mothers must take care of their children by teaching and leading them to the right path.
Also
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, they should select specific movies and shows that provide useful information. ln conclusion, children watching
TV
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 and spending a lot of
time
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 in front of it will influence their behaviour when there is a lack of supervision from the
parents
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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