IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extend do you think is a positive trand?

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The growing trend of online platforms and a variety of retail brands has made shopping one of the needs for comfort; It is argued that a few years back individuals would only purchase
things
Use synonyms
which is
Verb problem
that
show examples
 a basic necessities for their day-to-day life.In recent days shopping has become a pastime for many.In my opinion,
This
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 trend will have a detrimental impact on society as it causes a financial crisis towards middle-class families where the public buys
things
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 that are really not necessary.Perhaps,
this
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 habit
also
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 enables them to compare various types of
products
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 and prices. Primarily, If we look back a decade ago, an individual has to invest more time and money to purchase an item since there are a large number of offline shopping than online.Nowadays, with these smart devices and online platforms, we can even buy edible items through the internet which would be delivered to our doorstep.
As a result
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,
This
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 ease of access made us buy
things
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which
Correct pronoun usage
that we
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 do not really need.
Furthermore
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, online shopping has become an addiction to some crowds who spend a lot of money buying
things
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 that are not really necessary.
For Example
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, a few years back only Amazon and eBay were the major e-commerce websites ,
However
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,recently we have a variety of
products
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 available that
also
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includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
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, Diary
products
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 , Vegetables and Fruits which are edible. Unequivocally,
this
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 trend may
also
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 have some positive impact as it is helpful for the family where both husband and wife are working.
Moreover
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, Some public wish to spend time window shopping and surfing the
products
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 with just a touch of a button.
Also
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, when shopping is a hobby we can have more knowledge of each and every product which saves us some cash by comparing a range of
products
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 and purchasing a good quality at a reasonable price .
For example
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,In my personal experience,I recently bought a 65" inch Sony TV where I compared the prices with different stores and online which made it easy to select a store that sells the product for a cheaper price.
To conclude
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, even though shopping was a domestic task in the past, but,
due to
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 a large number of technology and stores it eventually made shopping a hobby for many. Sometimes, it has a negative impact when people spend a large amount of money on buying
that is
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 not really necessary.
However
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, It
also
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 enables us to compare and save the price.

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the scene well, but consider making your thesis statement clearer. Instead of mainly focusing on negative aspects, you could also mention some advantages of shopping as a hobby in the introduction itself to create balance.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid excessive use of commas and semicolons as it might convolute your sentences. Consider using simpler sentence structures to convey your points more clearly; this will enhance both coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your examples are framed more cohesively. For instance, when you present your personal experience, connect it clearly to the main argument to illustrate your point more effectively.
task achievement
You have highlighted both positive and negative aspects of shopping as a hobby, which is a good approach for balanced argumentation.
task achievement
Your personal example of purchasing a TV provides a relatable illustration of the points discussed, adding depth to your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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