IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #art #culture #activities #society
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Some argue that
government
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 investment should not be used for improving the art and
culture
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 sector,
while
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 others believe that there are many advantages to community improvement.
This
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 essay completely agrees with
this
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 view and I will explain some benefits of supporting artists and cultural events by the authority in the next paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, artistic and cultural
activities
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 are the key to knowledge and connection between society. We totally know if we want to understand a country’s politics or a person, we will start looking at their
culture
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 first and
then
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 learn about their history and arts.
However
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 those things get
people
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 curious and want to find answers,
then
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people
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 will travel there to get answers, and because of the
government
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 investment in supporting their
culture
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 and art, that makes
people
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 more interested in visiting their country, which opens a new financial door,
that is
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 tourism. To illustrate tourism is an essential factor for any country’s economy and
this
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 funding helps to grow the tourism sector as well.
On the other hand
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, the
government
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 funding budget for supporting cultural
activities
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 and artists to show
people
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 their work contributes to strengthening cultural ties between communities . I think these cultural or art events are important for children to learn more about their cultural identity and how they cling to their
culture
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.
For instance
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, when I was a child, I used to go to national festivals in which
people
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 wore traditional clothes and some pieces showed how
people
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 lived, that taught me a lot about my
culture
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 and my country and some social attitudes
such
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 as how to respect older
people
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. I think
this
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 sociable
activities
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 are good for children especially and adults as well. In conclusion,
government
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 funding in supporting artists and cultural events is very important for strengthening social cohesion and informing other communities about the country’s
culture
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. I believe that
this
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 investment in order to organize cultural and artistic
activities
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 is very important for our society.
Submitted by ghazl.1998g on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all topic sentences clearly align with the overall thesis and main idea of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving paragraph transitions to ensure smooth progression of ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas where necessary to avoid misunderstanding.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The task response offers a complete view of the topic, acknowledging both sides of the argument.
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